Brownness

3

And just like that Zyan turned 3. A blissful blur of 1095 days of us getting the joy that is Zyan. It boggles my mind that we have blessed with so much of him. That’s not to minimize the hard days or the days where you hear your parents tone when speaking with him, but the privilege to even do that is one that runs through our veins. Us. As Parents. The gratitude overflows to cover the days when there is frustration or helplessness because we are also lucky to be surrounded by so many who offer us support, give us a path forward, and there is each of us where we partner to allow an expansion of time for rest for the other, to be sure that not one is stuck doing all the things or doing the same things.

So we alternate, we pass him like a baton because in the end, the destination will matter now how we got there. And 3 years done, poof just like that. It’s hard to imagine days without him when his voice didn’t fill the home or bring such utter joy to those who love him and the lighting up of the eyes. It are those moments that provide the fuel for us to keep going to keep loving to keep growing with him. To celebrate his milestones along with ours. His birthday a reminder of our trip around the sun, 3 blazing stars orbiting together, while the 2 bigger ones ensure he doesn’t veer off into the unknown.

As we begin the 4th revolution, it’s important to parse the lessons, to get better, be around, to teach, to learn, to ensure the time spent is worthwhile and not lost in regret. These reminders more for myself than anyone else. I cannot wait to see what the new year will bring for him, and for us.

Happy Birthday Zyan!

Brownness

87

The numbers become more and more important. This past weekend, we lost the Patriarch of my moms family. My mother’s eldest brother went on to join the Great Divine after being here for a bit more than 87 years. What I do know is that he went without fear as his devotion to the One was great, and I hope one I too can emulate his strength, knowledge and love. He was the oldest of 11 siblings of which only 4 remain, one being my mother, and I would be lying if the question didn’t come to me for her: how long does she grace my life? Each of these siblings created a dynamic universe that we assumed was normal, but it wasn’t. They did well, had booms, busts, and then slowly each of them came to the One who allowed them peace.

My uncle was amazing in that he made anyone that came into contact with him feel special. He had a way of connecting of the past to the present which felt as if no time had passed when I was around him as a baby. He had a special name for everyone, and for me it Sanjay Shah, a title truly for which I am undeserving unless its ruling over doubt and unworthiness, but in his presence, it all felt doable like it fit

I am glad I got to see him a few months ago in New York, and for once, there is no regret because I experienced him in his calm element. His grace and joy at seeing all of us together, the ultimate gift. This is a man who gave so much of himself in service to others, but yet never asked for anything in return. This is the legacy we get to live, and I am truly grateful I got a chance to spend some time in his light. He will be missed, but I also know he will hanging out with his best friend as well, my father. Makes sense he left the same month as him.