Tag: Education

Myself

Best Friend: A Blog Post

Sanjay Sabarwal
by Jemal Yarbrough

Sometimes, just looking at an image reminds of you the possibility of life, specifically on how a day can do.  My best friend Jemal managed to do that for me today.  I don’t know if he realizes how much of an influence he has been in my life.  We started as law school colleagues, part of the SCALE program at Southwestern School of Law, not realizing that we would still be keeping in touch more than a decade later.  Our days are Thursday as I happen to have a weekly meeting in morning near his house, and in those few hours we manage to keep each other sane.  I think I get the better end of the deal as he has to hear my incessant whining about something or the other.  As much as he will hate this blog post, I could not resist the opportunity to acknowledge his brilliance as an attorney but also his creative side.

If you follow this blog in any sort of way, you will notice that a majority of the images are by Jemal’s amazing photography.  His images manage to always move me with their intense focus and simplicity.  He manages to say more in one image than I can with a 1000 word post.  Each of us have something that is uniquely ours to own, and Jemal has made photography his bitch.  Sometimes, you have to let the ones close to you know how much they mean to you.  Love ya bro!

Related articles
Myself, Preeti

Happiness and Thank You: A Blog Post

Sanjay Sabarwal
Lorsque paraît la beauté..
Image by ImAges ImprObables via Flickr

It’s easy to write when your sad, angry and full of hope, but harder for me to write when I am happy.  My high school teacher Marie Tollstrup used to say that if you look at most poetry and literature, it has traces of negative emotion with a happy ending merely to showcase the writer’s whimsy, yet today I feel obligated to note the love surrounding her and I, amongst our dear friends, family from abroad and in general.  Each day in the past week has been full of positive emotion, brimming with future possibility, and the reality that our time has finally come. This December will make it 5 years when I fell in love so deeply and truly with someone who I had known all my life that it still feels unreal that I am with someone so beautiful inside and out.  But I digress.  These past few days have made me realize how truly blessed and lucky I am to have the people I do in my life.  Looking at my past posts, I have spent an inordinate amount of time whining about the ones that truly do not matter, ignoring the ones that come around me at a drop of a hat, and I cannot help be thankful for being just good enough to have them in my life.  I do not know what I did to deserve them but dammit, I am going to make damn sure I keep them!

 

Thank you, thank you, and thank you.  I wish I was more eloquent but I cannot stop smiling, while soaking in these beautiful days and events with amazing friends and family.  THANK YOU!

Related articles
#30trust, #trust30, Writing

Number 1 Passion: A Blog Post

Sanjay Sabarwal
Image representing iPad as depicted in CrunchBase
Image via CrunchBase

Number 1 Passion by Eric Handler
What is your #1 passion in life?  Now, imagine what would happen if you incorporated that passion into your life daily.  Write down your passion and keep it close to you.  Remind yourself of it daily, just like brushing your teeth.

(Author: Eric Handler)

Reading has been my passion all my life and lately I have begun to incorporate it into my daily life by either going to bed reading or taking a day or two to make significant progress into a book.  I am still split on whether I prefer the Kindle or the Ipad by my ideal still is a real book.  Something quite satisfying about turning a page, feeling the heft of the book lighten as you make deep in-roads into its story and get stamped with new ideas and thoughts (can’t help remembering some of the passages from Freedom by Jonathan Frazen) and touched by the emotions and characteristics of novel protagonists.

Besides my literary passion, my other passion is trying new things and that has transformed very well at my work as I have managed to make mundane tasks more interesting or come at them differently.  However, I am constantly stalled by my own insecurity and need to please others and I swallow my ideas, ballooning up with regret, festering inside with an urgent need to vomit out all the negativity.  However, I am getting better and I see now that I do not have to react to every situation with emotion especially hurt and anger.  I have learned to quiet down my emotional turmoil and hear what the other person is saying and see it from their perspective.  Even if I do not agree, I see that people relax once they feel heard.  It is a great feeling to make things happen when there is calm in important parts of my life.

Related articles
Brownness

Half Way: A Blog Post

Sanjay Sabarwal
New Year Sunrise
Image by joka2000 via Flickr

Yesterday, marked the halfway point for 2011.  I was surprised to see that reminder from the Change Anything blog (changeanything.com) a book that I am currently reading, not because I had not followed through on my New Years resolution.com but mainly because I had stayed the course.  I lost weight, I started reading again, planned and took a few trips and wrote some.  I did not just have one resolution but many and I am sticking to them not because I wanted to because I needed to.  In the past few years, I have begun to feel less like myself and more a social being trying to please others and you know what, it fucking sucks!  I much rather be in the days when I was true to my vision and focus and did what I pleased but then I realized that was not ideal either as I often did events that made much less money than I expected.  I never did find the balance of running a successful promotion company and label, and a personal life.  But few years back, I felt like I had sold myself out just to be successful but even writing that does not feel true.  The reality is that I always managed to get to the halfway but somewhere, somehow, I get derailed before getting to the end, and that is what worries me.  Losing focus.  My dream is to be the person I have always imagined myself to be, and at 39, I don’t have much time before I am defined by the years behind me.

So here’s to being halfway there, sticking to my guns and being the person I have always imagined myself to be.  Wish me luck.

Related articles
Brownness

Day By Day: A Blog Post

Sanjay Sabarwal
Everyday Life 87.jpg

What is it about ourselves that can allow us to focus so intently on our goals that we manage them while the rest of the time, we bemoan the lost times?  Lately, I have been reading, writing, doing classes, working out, working while catching up with old friends, and I feel so content and fulfilled.  I wonder why I don’t do this more often.  I want to show this Sanjay to the world especially Preeti and family that I am more than capable to handle all that world has to throw at me, yet something warns in my soul that this period is temporary, that I should hold off a bit longer before I make promises I cannot keep. It has been far too long where I have felt content and just feel myself in my skin.  I realize that I have let too many people in and crowd up my mind and soul.  I know that it will take some getting used to as I learn how to communicate and live better with change.

I realize now that not much has changed except I choose to perceive differently.  A few weeks ago what I felt was non stop irritation at my failure to get things done or get to a point where I was happy.  I slowed down, assessed the situation and saw that I am getting there, it’s just slower than I wanted it to be.  Also, I was allowing others to dictate what effected my life when really that’s my decision and no one else’s.  Sure, others can suggest, cajole, even demand but unless I say yes to it, it will not matter.  So back to the mindfulness, the deep breath, being present, and seeing that what’s happening isn’t that big of a deal in the longer term of things and suddenly life starts moving.  Dinners with old friends, connecting with one of my law school friends, working out and spending time with my parents suddenly appeared out of the blue because I allowed myself to say yes to those things rather than the whims and demands of others.

It’s definitely a work in progress and I see that my future depends on how I choose to let it treat me.  So day by day I keep focusing on the things that matter while putting aside the things that should never have in the first place.

Related Articles
Myself

Alone

Sanjay Sabarwal
Cover of "Conversational Spanish (Living ...
Cover via Amazon

Today, I hit 204 pounds, only 14 pounds away from my idea goal.  I am also on Lesson 4 of Pimsleur’s guide to Spanish. almost halfway through beginning conversational Spanish.  Today was also the last day for my online UCLA class of Bringing Characters to Life. To top of all this, we have finally begun discussion on wedding dates. I should feel satisfied but I am not as it hit me that a lot of what I am doing is being done alone.  I have failed to share my passions and victories with the ones I love but worst of all, it does not appear that it matters to them.  I am lonely but motivated.  Sad but looking forward to life ahead.  Angry because I am suffocating with frustrations and old hurts

I know I probably exaggerating but I can’t seem to let go of that feeling, and thus I am still blowing up over absolutely trivial things. I also know that there are some I should avoid, some I should handle gingerly, some with love but most of all some with caution as whatever comes out of my mind, seems to end up on their plate.  I have no privacy or at least it feels like it but more than anything else I just cannot believe how I have treated some who are dear to me especially her.  I owe her more than an apology, I owe her my life.

Related Articles