Brownness

Panjabi MC

Sanjay Sabarwal

2014-02-07 18.07.12I know, I know there are some of you who are sick of the constant posts about the Panjabi MC party which has become my #1 lesson: Create a Ziba Music page.  But I HAVE to post about what a complete and utterly fun event it was, but I did wonder why some still stayed home. Sure, it was a Friday night, sure it was 21 over, sure it was $35, but what is it about Los Angeles that is not friendly to Desi club events?  It comes back to the same theme.  Why are we so anti desi music?  What has changed?  I mean I get it, Bollywood rules, but there is so much good music coming out that we don’t know about. This is when I truly missed Ziba Music. Dad and I had a good thing going, and while he let it end on a high note, I do wonder maybe something also closed along with the shop. I went to flyer and was shocked to see just piles of Bollywood music and movies but very little in the way of other music.  

To be completely fair, the venue was packed, and we had a great mix of desis and non desis, but the promoter in me wondered why we couldn’t do a 1000 person venue to listen to one of the best known UK Bhangra producers in the world. Not only was he the nicest guy, Panjabi MC puts on a show! So what am I missing here? Help me out here?  Why are people in Los Angeles resisting so much?  We are the only major city that a lot of Desi acts are no longer booked, and it sucks.

Which means, I will keep at it. No sir, you couldn’t pull me away (stolen from Die Hard).  And just like in Rocky 5, One more Round. 🙂

Myself

FULL & Grateful

Sanjay Sabarwal

GratitudeI noticed that I am not posting as often as I used to, and one of the main reasons was that I am just full. I am full of love, gratitude, and the attitude of being better at everything I do.  I blogged to whine, complain and maybe explain, but for the past few months, I feel the most complete I have in a while. And for that, I am truly grateful. Gratitude is a funny thing, I used to struggle to come up with things to be thankful for after mentioning my recovery, family, wife, and friends.  I failed to realize that breathing was a gift. Each inhale and exhale was more than I had the last time I suffered my stroke (again with the stroke). I do feel repetitive a lot of the times, perhaps that is the problem with being a writer. We keep rediscovering emotions and events, until we can get them down perfectly.  Yet it is more than that. I am still in awe of the changes others have made for my sake especially my amazing wife and family.

And then my birthday happened. Each and every person who got me something gave me something personal and unique to me. In fact, at one point I felt a bit ashamed as the amount of thought everyone had put in. It also hit me how much they care for me, and they made me even fuller.  So maybe, just maybe, the whining will simmer down here for a while.

Myself

Resolving to be me.

Sanjay Sabarwal

dreamsSo day 20 of resolutions, 2 days before my 42nd birthday. I ran 5 miles today, submitted my first 5000 word short story to my critique group, and did the 4 hour body diet all day and am down to 201 pounds. I am sure you are already rolling your eyes at my bragging, but the real reason I share so openly is because that’s just who I have always been.  I think its part of being a writer. We share. Probably share too much (as my wife can attest), but it comes naturally to us.  If you are unfortunate enough to be my friend on social media, I am sure you have seen my barrage of shared posts on inspiration and articles I find interesting.  You may also notice that I don’t post many status updates anymore.

There was a time, it was natural for me to share every single thought and emotion that came to mind. I was addicted to seeing my words come alive, but it became apparent that all I was doing was annoying some, while others tolerated me and friends found it kinda funny. So instead of just putting words down, I began to pick up the phone (not texting) to call friends and family or spending the end of the day talking to my wife about what was going on.  It was simple, but not easy. Facebook and Twitter, on the other hand, just require you post instantaneously, and while sometimes that’s fine, it can also not be the best representation of who you are really.

So I resolve to keep writing, and keep sharing things that move me, but I also intend on nurturing my relationships rather than social media.

Myself

Fobbylicious

Sanjay Sabarwal

I don’t know when it began. This love of indian music, food, language and religion. I have always accepted it, but recently there has been a disturbing trend that I keep seeing and hearing that just doesn’t make sense to me. When did it become OK to bash people who are from India?  Either calling them IT guys or wondering if they can speak English?  When did it become OK to look down on them?  What is it about other Desis that makes us so uncomfortable?  I just don’t get it.

OK, so the accents are funny sometimes, and dress sometimes more so, but as someone who spent 15 years in Little India. I don’t get the attitude that somehow because some of us speak English without an accent or dont watch bollywood or dont listen to desi music, that somehow we are better. But yet, most of our friends are desi. Just no desi music.  Just brown skin, please.  But nothing brown inside us.

Maybe I just don’t get LA anymore. Maybe, things have changed. The things that excite me like UK Bhangra, and hindi remixes or Asian Underground don’t matter anymore. Sure, Bollywood seems bigger, and seems to have incorporated a lot of the stuff that was clubby and underground before, but there is a large segment of us who just look down on anything appearing to be our motherland (yea I said it).

As if our parents language doesnt matter. As if our heritage, culture, music is something to be ignored, put down or disgusted by. I just don’t get it. Maybe I am just old. Maybe I am so out of the scene that what they say makes sense.  The thing is, they said the same thing to me 10 years ago. The scene is dead. LA sucks.  No one goes to parties.  Blah, blah, blah.

For me, desi music will always matter, and if I like something, and if I have the power to do something about it, I will it.  So hopefully, I will see you at the next event or maybe the one after. Maybe, just maybe, I am right.

Myself

Promoting Again??!!

Sanjay Sabarwal

PMC_Flyer_FAnd so begins the first full week of 2014.  There is so much I have reflected on for 2013, but a few things that struck me as surprising. I decided to start promoting again. And the reaction was confusing.  There were some who were excited, and then there were others (namely my family) who were like why?  Why do you want to start doing events again?  a) You have a job. b) Aren’t you a bit too old to be promoting. c) The scene is dead.  No one does parties anymore. d) Aren’t you too old?  And then was New Years. Although the event was not as successful as I would have liked, it convinced me of one thing. There is a need for desi events, but not for all desis. There were some there who were absolutely miserable, and then the majority who had a blast. So why do desi events?  Became I am a fan of desi music. I am not a FOB (well maybe I am), but I am a fan of music from my country. If that is a badge of disgrace, then so be it. I am doing events to bring the groups and producers I enjoy. It’s my party. and that’s what I want to do. So if you don’t like Panjabi MC or Mickey Singh or Jassi Sidhu or Dhol Nation or Sandeep Kumar, then maybe, just maybe, you have no love for great music made by our own. And you know what, that’s OK.  Just don’t tell me I shouldn’t be promoting. Because it’s easy to criticize, but extremely hard to do.

See you at the next event, or not. I don’t plan on stopping. Somebody needs to save the desi club scene in Los Angeles. Why not me?

Family, Myself

A Strange Year

Sanjay Sabarwal

frustration_relief2

It strikes me as crazy what I have gone through this year. From brain surgery to running a 10K to working a carnival for the underprivileged and donating goods on Skid row, I feel as if this has been the most complete year in my life. I also managed to submit a short story as well as am actively praying and meditating. As much as all of this sounds like bragging (or perhaps repetitive), what I am trying to really say that I can improve my willpower just by sheer repetition and a desire to be and do better. I couldn’t have predicted the surgery, but the main lesson I did learn was that if not now, then when?

My wife and family got quite a scare, and I know they have been very patient with my crazy ideas of running the 10K or going on skid row. Hell, they have even accepted me promoting again.  I now see that I am only stopped by what my reluctance to do things rather than anything else. I have nurtured some relationships, and others, well I have let wither because I know now that spending time on things and people who don’t help me grow in some way just is not worth it.

I also see that my recent posts have been about my aversion to staying still. There is so much I want to achieve, and if I don’t keep move, I will stagnated. There is a part of my brain that has become a bit spongy, but I am not going to let the rest of it go to shit. I refuse to. So yes 2013, you had your fun with me, but 2014, I am coming for you.  Watch out, bitch!