Sanjay Sabarwal's Blog

Last week, I managed to run 17 miles, read 150 pages, connect with my wife on a deeper level, sign 4 new clients. ate 800 grams of fruits and veggies daily, journaled consistently, wrote 500 words of fiction, finished a Master Class, and got to spend time with loved ones. And I say all this not to brag (although I am pretty proud of myself) but to really acknowledge for myself that it’s easy to focus on what I didn’t get done or didn’t do well enough.

After running 7 miles, my first thought was oh god I ran so slow. After I sat down to write, the thought that the story wasn’t that great or that it didn’t make sense. As I journaled, I hated my handwriting and how long it was taking me to write them out.

Over and over, the negative thoughts came and, in the past, I gave credence to them, gave them priority while really not allowing myself to see my progress. And so with the help of Think Like a Monk, Atomic Habits and Mastering Mindful Eating, I give myself grace and acceptance. I applaud my efforts rather than criticize them. I try not to compare or bemoan on what I didn’t get to do or didn’t do as well as I expect.

I acted, and I moved forward and that’s all that matters, and then I get a week like last week where I truly feel superhuman when I look at my activity. So I keep moving, keep acting, keep being productive not for bragging rights but to be a better person for myself and others.

As I drove home yesterday from a weekend full of food (lots of it), drinks (even more) and laughter (stomach pain inducing), it hit me how blessed I am for the people that are in my life. My dear friend Raj cooked us not only a feast for three meals, but filled our day with loving conversation and deep insights. It’s gratifying to know that even after almost twenty-five years of friendship, we continue to make each other laugh and have managed to not only keep in touch but deepen our relationship.

One of my greatest joys has been to see my wife get to experience my friendships, not as an outsider, but someone who has own intimate connection with those in my life. I feel blessed that I know so many kind and patient souls who make it a point to not make someone feel like a stranger.

And then the weekend continued with more friends who went above and beyond in their hospitality not only in terms of food and drinks (again) but in connection, communication and ensuring we felt seen and loved.

Two events that lead to me feeling full of blessedness and gratitude that even in times like this, there are people who make life more than bearable. Happy Monday!!!

49 sounds surreal to me, but it is here, close the milestone of 50 which God willing I will reach. I have so much to be grateful for, so much abundance, and knowledge and pain and experience, and love that it does not seem possible that I am where I am. Which is exactly where I need to be.

Yet I still have a ways to go, and before I would moan and groan, now I look forward to the challenge of life, of struggle, of uncertainty, of being wrong, being write, being open, shedding old ideas, beliefs and people. So much of my fear of failure guided me where I a now, but it is now replaced with determination and the realization that failure or lack of success are the best teachers. If everything came easy then what would I learn?

And that is the truth that I didn’t want face. Because of my amazing family, a lot of things did come easy and now I realize that it took me far longer to learn some lessons I should have learned way earlier. But I now see that recognizing even that is a step in the right direction. I may be a young 49 mentally, but I am older, and I am learning, growing, experimenting, loving and at the end of the day that’s all matters.

So here’s to being close to 50, to knowing that I am past half the the life I will live, and to make the best of it like my father and go out smiling, laughing, drinking, loving, experimenting and gathering new experiences.

Happy Monday

Last week I managed to hurt myself in a ridiculous way through my ego. For the past few weeks my forearm and elbow began to hurt which suggested tennis elbow. My chiropractor told me to do less or no lifting, but that meant no crossfit, an unacceptable solution. So I got treatment, and resolved to get it worked on aggressively.

The came a workout requiring heavy dumbbells, and my good friend challenged me lift the recommended weight (50 pounds.) My ego doesn’t allow me to tell him about my tennis elbow or my uncertainty that maybe that wasn’t the best idea. So I went for it, and despite the twinges the workout went great.

I sprayed and wiped down the weights and then walked over to the rack them, but my righr arm, sore from the exertion, and the tennis elbow flaring up couldn’t hold on, and I dropped the weight on top of left finger. And in that silly way I not only managed my first broken bone (well fingertip) but also guaranteed I won’t be at crossfit for weeks.

And so in my quest to be better, I ignored things, wasn’t present because it was easier to believe in the fantasy that the main would go away by some miracle. Rather than make the smart choice, I crossed over into lala land because it served the story inside my ego and head better. Its frustrates me because as much as I have grown, this tells me I have much, much further to go.

I love the smell of a first monday of a new year. So much possibility hangs in the air. I can’t wait to get up and get to the things I want to do to make a better version of myself. Yet I also have to remind myself that I am not in this journey alone, and while some days that makes me impatient, I also know that I need the buy-in from the ones affected by my decisions.

So, in a sense, it is also a beginning of communication, of sharing what’s on my mind. Too often, I rush ahead, and I assume that people around me know of my destination just by seeing my direction, but it can be isolating. It can also be a bit too focused on my needs and wants rather than taking into consideration of how others will handle my decisions.

This is not to say I have to change myself, but really I have to change how I share what’s coming up for me. I have to show what inspires me, why I am driven to do certain things over and over, and my struggles with long overdue tasks and goals.

It’s not just a beginning of a new year, but a chance to do things differently or afresh. A beginning for relationships, for work, for hobbies, for goals, for really anything that matters to me. And so I start, and I hope you do.

Happy Monday!

With this interesting year almost over, I wonder what the new year will bring. More uncertainty for sure, but also opportunities to grow. It’s not easy being positive in the face of the pandemic and constant change. Some days, it feels just simpler to give in, to not wake up, to drink too much, overeat, sleep late, binge watch. It has its charms, but day after day it gets old.

As I replace it with new ventures, marketing, ideas, partnerships, I see forks in the road previously hidden. As I push myself in my workouts, surround myself with people who believe in me, push me to be a better version of myself, ask me difficult questions, I know that each year is the same just with different facts.

I can believe the story of “woe is me” pandemic 2020, or I can just see it as for what it is, another hiccup in another year and move on to 2021. I can dwell on what didn’t materialize, what didn’t grow, what failed, what prevented me from success or I can use as seeds to keep growing, to keep learning, to keep being in service, to own my destiny and barrel into 2021 with the full force of me.

Happy Monday. What will you do different in 2021?