Myself, Writing

Surprising Change

Guilt Bliss
Image via Wikipedia

I don’t know when it came, but suddenly guilt was my constant companion because I hadn’t sat in front of her.  instead of being ignored, she now constantly spoke in my head, demanding no begging for my attention.  The old excuses no internet access or let me sleep in for more minutes no longer satiate anyone especially her.  Instead, it’s a constant dread what I wont get down.  Now, the worry is what words will be lost, and what seemed to be useless now seems priceless.  Each day used to carry the thought of just getting through and living, but now feels empty if I dont manage to splash some thoughts on the blog canvas. What didn’t enter my mind now permeates my being.

Brownness

URGENT: 30secs of volunteerism

Sent from my iPhone

Begin forwarded message:

From: Rahul Singhal <rsinghal2000@gmail.com>
Date: November 5, 2010 3:24:32 PM PDT
To: allvolunteers@save-a-mother.org
Subject: URGENT: 30secs of volunteerism

We will be consolidating online efforts to the following social tools:

Facebook
LinkedIn
Twitter

Please hit “Like” for the Fan page, we need 25 before we can lock in the saveamother keyword on facebook.

We will also be building a Chicago Youth Fan base, please hit like for this as well, so we can lock in a keyword

Please add yourself to the LinkedIn Group

Please follow us on Twitter

Happy Diwali !!!!! !!!!! !!!!! !!!!! !!!!! !

Rahul

Brownness

Quote of the day!

Brownness

Quote of the day!

Sent from my iPhone

Begin forwarded message:

From: “Sangita Poudel” <sangita@zibabeauty.com>
Date: November 4, 2010 8:34:18 AM PDT
To: “TeamZibaBeauty” <TeamZibaBeauty@zibabeauty.com>
Cc: “Ritu Mahindru” <RMahindru@zibabeauty.com>
Subject: Quote of the day!

Food for thought!

The tighter you try and hold on to something that you are afraid of losing, the more you are pushing it away.

Those thoughts are filled with fear, and if you continue to persist, what you fear the most will come upon you.

Fear nothing – just think about what you want.

It feels so much better!

                                                                                  “The secret

Thank You!

Sangita Poudel

ZIBA Beauty

562-402-5131 Ext.242

 

 

“Our mission is to become the respected expert and global leader in the Art of Threading® and the Art of Mehndi®”.

Brownness, Myself, Preeti

Pain Please

Mental Health Awareness Ribbon
Image via Wikipedia

In just 2 months,  the life I knew has been obliterated.  I search for the words to express that, but besides pain there is nothing.  Actually. I wish there was pain.  Just numbness.  I sit here in a daze, not writing particularly well just thoughts and emotions fighting with God asking why her?  What has she done to deserve?  Is being with me so bad that she had to be punished physically?

No one’s saying it to me, but they don’t need to.  I feel it.  I know I am being watched with the wonder, did the constant stress of being in this relationship cause this?  What other explanation is there for someone so young?

Praying to the God so frequently that now only word goes out to him: Please.  As in, please change this.  Please stop this.  Please fix this.  Please cure her.  Please give it to me.  Please stop.  Please forgive me.  Please let me take this on.  PLEASE.

Nothing else comes except the numbness, wishing her pain was mine, wanting her life to be mine.  She doesn’t deserve this. No one does.  Why her? Why not me? 

I look up and hear nothing.  Please.  Nothing. 

Life as I know it is over.  Nothing remains.  Just the pain. 

Please