From: Ziba Beauty <emailpromotions@zibabeauty.com>
Date: December 17, 2010 12:12:15 PM PST
To: executive@zibabeauty.com
Subject: Happy Holidays from Ziba Beauty. 4 Gift Bundles for $49 each.
Reply-To: emailpromotions@zibabeauty.com
Having trouble viewing this email? Click here
Forward email 
Ziba Beauty | 17832 Pioneer Blvd. | Artesia | CA | 90701
Sent from my iPhone
Surrounded by books like You are What You Eat to What to Eat Before, During and After Cancer Treatment, it hits me that Cancer has given me a life I thought impossible. Scattered on the bed are various notes and business cards from the dozens we have consulted in the medical field but still we do not and cannot know enough. We are still ignorant as to what is about to come, and in some ways you could say in denial. Shoved aside to the side are the many Christmas presents we bought for our families and friends, but they lay ignored and unwrapped in another room, waiting perhaps for one of my relatives to take pity and finally put then in beautiful wrapping paper. It would appear from all of this that emptiness resides in our lives, but you would be dead wrong.
Along with the horrible, Cancer also gave me the improbable: a wonderful wife. I hadn’t dared to dream that the beautiful person who affected my life and soul would now be my life partner. Strange, how the proliferation of some body cells can melt away 4 years of “hell no’s” and resistance to the idea of us getting married. Funny, how I can be accepted into a household where my name couldn’t even be mentioned, and break bread. You would think I would be filled with resentment or, worse, anger, but neither has a place in my heart. I will not and cannot allow the past to corrupt my present and future. As if by magic, I have allowed the cancer of peace and acceptance to fill our families rather than use it to destroy what’s left. There is only room for love and forgiveness. In a matter of days, we are going to be tied to each other for life, officially that is. I had accepted her in my life a long time ago, something I wish I had told her a while ago. I cannot bear the thought that she thinks it’s because of Cancer but only because it’s is true on the surface. But she needs to know what I mean: Cancer gave me the courage to talk to her family. I finally did what I have not been able to put my foot down and rightfully claim what’s mine.
There are some who would not see this as any victory, and some may even opine that now that’s sick her family agreed just to save face. I would counter that even if that’s true, the victory is still mine. I have her, and in the end that’s all that matters. They say people come into your life for a reason or a season perhaps even to teach a lesson. Preeti is all of the above, she makes the person I want to be, the person I see myself to be. I know the road ahead is potted with long hours, and perhaps fights and definite exhaustion but Cancer needs to know it has fucked with the wrong people. It obviously doesn’t know her anger or my strength. Together, we are unbeatable. You have been warned, Cancer.
I spent 20 minutes trying to copy an image that perfectly captures my feelings and in my quest to get that picture right, I lost sight that I needed to write. There was a reason I am at an unholy hour on a Sunday night. A need to get it out all out. But the truth is, I am avoiding writing because this year will perhaps be the culmination of something I hadn’t dared to think about in years: Marriage.
In a way, I am already married, and the vision of being with the one I love for the rest of my life not at all daunting, in fact even exciting. Yet I do not want to cross this path alone, and I do not want to do it in darkness. No more hiding. No more lying. The truth will set us free, but more importantly allow us to live.
Lately, I have become superstitious that what my beautiful love is going through can be cleansed by the truth. I no longer want to lie to anyone about anything. Yes, to answer the ones wronged, I am trying to be AN ANGEL because I am willing to do whatever it takes to start a life partnership on a path of clarity, reality but best of all honesty.
It’s not easy as it looks. Recently, I told a dear friend about her fiancée (who also happens to be a good friend of mine) who I felt cheated on her (a mere two weeks after he proposed to her) based on what he told me. Yes, I broke the man rules because the truth is that I am not one of the boys, and I can no longer keep quiet on what is wrong. As someone pointed out, as long as your know you will lose one friend, then go for it. And I did, and the only thing I really have to show for it is that my conscience is clear, I am less one friend and discovering that the person I thought to be “saved” has decided to go back to the friend. So now I am less two friend, full of the feeling that determined people will hurt themselves no matter what anyone does, and perhaps nothing will change in life except me.
And then there is Preeti’s cousin who lives 15 miles away but has not bothered to call, or even stop by even though she’s fighting for her life and future. Sure, he can go see his girlfriend but heaven forbid he actually check on a supposed close family member. And then I caught myself. I could do this all day long. I could begin to stop talking to everyone that I think has done me or Preeti wrong but then there wouldn’t be many friends left. The reality is, people are selfish, dishonest, indifferent but they also happen to be dearest to someone in our lives. What do you do then? Quit friends? Quit life? Quit the truth? No, I realize. You move on. You forget. The ones that mean something stick around, and the ones that do not, vanish. The truth makes certain of that.
From: iTesh <iteshsingh@yahoo.com>
Date: December 9, 2010 12:59:38 PM PST
To: Sanjay Sabarwal <sanjay@zibabeauty.com>
Subject: Re: iTesh – New Years Eve
Hello Sanjay, I have attached the flyer to this email. Thank you,
iTesh
It is quiet in here. Wait, that;s not exactly true, let me rephrase. It’s quiet enough that I hear the satisfying click of words being typed on this page. So different type of quiet. If I strain enough, I can hear the dog gently snoring in the next room, moving occasionally to get more comfortable. There’s not enough light in my room or life now to brighten my writing area so I have resorted to turning on all the lights in the house yet 500 watts still seems dim. I may never brighten.
Sat and struggled with the final piece for my writing class, and realized the fight was not based on what to write, or how to write but if I should. Bulb went off in my head, and the words materialized below
The room was quiet except for the noise of cancer in our lives. I opened my eyes, and felt strange and unfamiliar until I realized I was staring at the ceiling. I had been sleeping for over 5 hours. My mind had lied to me. My heart pounded for something selfish and non-existent. I had dreamt not of my love but of myself. The smug clock said 7:16 am. Nothing chirped but it felt like it. The bathroom dripped some watery noises as if digesting a bad meal. Darkness was losing its daily battle to the sun, yet still had strong footholds in the distance. I looked upon her not five feet away, surrounded by confident machines on a bed not meant for resting.
Cancer is the body lying to itself. It is perhaps one of the few illnesses where the body will destroy itself by creating so much of itself that the body cannot contain it. Physically, the cancer had grown in her body, but it had infected our lives. I was no longer disoriented, but disillusionment filled our room. I hoped the room would spin again, and perhaps I could enter the darkness and pretend that it was I lying on the bed and not her but dreaming did not make reality.
I gazed at her, willing her to breathe. Breathe away the anger, the past, the arguments, and the many wasted moments regretting what was not to be. Breathe in the love surrounding her. Breathe in thoughts that would remove the enemy in her. I wanted to take control of her body so it could get angry at the unwanted stranger and calmly ask the perversion to leave. I lasered my thoughts on to her, but the quietness of the cancer had already enveloped our lives. Breath.
