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In the fading light of the day, I say a small prayer for my friend’s father who passed away 2 nights ago. The house is quiet as usual, and she rests uneasily but expectantly for the nausea to follow. A friend had just visited, the worry lines creased deep into her forehead due to the recent seizure experienced by her little brother. 2011 seems to be foreboding, and I wonder if more bad news is to come.
But that really is the easy way out. What is it about a series of bad events that makes us believe that we are unlucky or somehow cursed? I close my eyes and see my family, and nothing but joy gratitude and loves comes into my soul. There is not a single relative that I don’t love with all my heart and soul. It almost seems like heresy to believe that I have the perfect family. I know my love for them is imperfect because I do not thank God or revel in my blessings of having a truly amazing family enough. I would daresay that my family is worlds better than the ones I hear about in fictional novels. I have the ULTIMATE FAMILY, and their wondrous love and prayers are the reason I can sit here clacking away while she struggles with her pain.
Their thoughts and prayers are the reason I know with all my heart and soul that this too shall pass. That this stupid Cancer is merely a minor bump on the long road of life. And I pray even harder. Pray for my blessings, pray that I am at the unfortunate cross roads to hear about friends parents dying, sibling suffering uncalled for pain, and it makes me ache for my mom and dad who are merely a block away from me physically but always reside in my heart. I fall in love each time my sisters come over or her brothers do. Her mom’s pain reverberates in my heart, and I wish I could inhale all their worry and fear. So I thank God yet again for joining us with them. For giving us real soldiers so we can mercilessly kill the killer.
And then I come to my friends. I always thought I had a few good friends, but this recent adventure of ours has introduced me to an amazing soul:Biba, who has selflessly given her time and energy to heal the love of my life. She made the chemo session seem as just a routine doctor’s visit and I do not think I can ever thank enough. And then there are others who think they can achieve comfort by merely texting or leaving quick voice mails. Don’t get me wrong the concern is real but it’s minuscule as if the disease she’s batting is minor or one that can fit in 140 characters or less. The sad part is that healing her takes nothing more than their physical contact but it’s treated as if she’s not worth that. And it hurts. But we move on because we have to, and we will remember. They are the past, and the future we have looks brighter due to the shining souls in our life. The rest of them can take their indifferent asses back to Facebook, Twitter and texts, and become as irrelevant as the social media horse they rode in on.
Dear Friends and Family, a dear friend of mine is making the big move to Southern California, and he is in search of a career in sales, marketing or customer service. I am attaching his resume, I would really appreciate it if you could forward it to anyone in those fields. He currently lives in Atlanta, and is also a great cook and promises to cook a fabulous feast to anyone who helps 🙂
—— End of Forwarded Message
Last night was the first time I laid down to bed with a heavy heart not because of her because I already had failed at my promise to post every day. Although I tried to intellectualize it by claiming I wrote the post in my mind, I could not get past that feeling to not write is something I can no longer accept. Actually, I started the post with a bit of a lie because my soul was heavy because once again the word “Caretaker” had been flung at me, and once again I was made to feel that nothing I do was good enough. While others were thanked for their time, I was derided for stuffing medicines down her throat and leaving her in a dark room. After more than 2 days feeling like I was at fault, I realized she was right. In my effort to control the disease by making her as physically comfortable as possible, I had lost sight that a hug could more than Zofran, Ativan or Compazine could ever do. The problem really was my reluctance between comforting her with medications versus just laying down with her.
The truth is I am scared to see her so uncomfortable and instead of asking the easy question of “Are you Ok?”, I inevitably ask “Do you need medicine?” I am substituting science for compassion, and I see now that the medicine really is more for me than for her. It is the only way I feel like I can fight the effects of Chemotherapy, but it’s not working. If I was really honest with myself, she is doing extremely well considering the toxins in her body, and actually handling everything quite well. I just keep expecting things to get worse and at the first sign of a grimace, I use the medicine bottles as a shield.
The part that hurts most is the ease with which she thanks others for their care and concern, while I stand across a seemingly un-crossable divide of being the help. I thought I could be a caregiver, a husband but instead in my fear and haste to make her feel better. I relegated myself to the realm of servitude rather than gratitude.
—— Forwarded Message From: Bhoopi Kohli <bhoopikohli@einsuranceland.com> Reply-To: <bhoopi@kfico.com> Date: Wed, 5 Jan 2011 11:01:01 -0800 To: Sanjay Sabarwal <sanjay@zibabeauty.com> Subject: Guaranteed Issue Open Enrollment Children under 19 years of age
Hi Sanjay,
Anthem Blue Cross is offering an open enrollment period for children under the age of 19 from January 1, 2011 through March 1, 2011. During this period they will not decline coverage or impose exclusions for pre-existing conditions for children under the age of 19, including child-only applicants. They may rate-up for some medical conditions. The earliest effective date will be 15 days after receipt of the application. Please contact me if you are interested.
Please forward to others who might benefit from this.
Sincerely,
Bhoopi Kohli Investment Advisor Representative CA Ins. Lic. # 0630453 Financia Inc. * Insurance Services * Employee Benefits 2552 Walnut Ave Suite 140 Tustin CA 92780(714) 734-8899 (714) 734-8919Fax(800) 966-7744 (888) 966-7744 Faxe-mail: bhoopi@kfico.com Investment Advisor Representative of MCL Financial Registered Investment Advisor. 1851 East First Street,; Suite 150; Santa Ana, CA 92705; 800.692.6064
—— End of Forwarded Message
