Brownness

Subscription Referral

Sanjay Sabarwal

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Myself

Going Nowhere Fast

Sanjay Sabarwal
Angry Talk (Comic Style)
Image via Wikipedia

 

by Jemal Yarbrough

 

Today was one of those days where nothing made sense, and everyone seemed to be at blame.  I was unhappy with many, and it seemed that many close to her were taking her chemotherapy for granted.  I was angry, yet I knew what was driving this emotion: fear.  My fear, to be precise.  In my effort to control the uncontrollable, I got lost in the blame game.  It seemed easier to be angry than to face the glaring truth: I am run down, overwhelmed, and just plain tired.  Plus, I can no longer ignore the twinges in my throat that foretell a major cold: something she cannot absolutely not be around.

And so I fumed, angry at the world and especially annoyed by others carrying on with their day when I know no peace and neither does she.  Therein lies the problem: I made my pain above hers, and just felt truly alone.  Between the countless hours of worrying, and wondering what the coming day will consist of, I lost sight of the one person truly living with this.  It’s easy as hell to be mad at her family for not being around, but hard to acknowledge that I am failing her in some key ways: mainly in emotional arena.  It’s hard because I am not at peace anytime and unable to get to do the things I need to fulfill myself.  I am drawing empty, I do not know what to do.

So I get angry, and blame and try to numb myself by borrowing an hour to go to the Hidden cafe. It’s not enough because deep down, I know I am not doing myself any favors by blowing smoke, and that the real break for me is to be around my friends and family, read and write as much as I can.   I do not know how to reach out because I have been let down by a few, and due to this foolish pride of mine, I sit here alone in the other room unable to sustain my wife in any meaningful way.  I see it and know that I need to be better, and can be better. I just have to step away from the ones that aggravate me, quit blaming others,  be vulnerable, love myself, be kind to my soul, and love her with all my soul.

So although the day went nowhere fast, and I fight this cold, I know one truth: we are halfway through and at the end of the day, that is all that matters.  I am thankful for what I have, no for what we have, and have faith that things will get better.  Today ended with me realizing that I need help, and it may not come from the ones I expect.  And that’s ok.  Friends and people will fail and let me down, and I will too, and that’s ok.  I am only human.

 

 

Related Articles
Brownness

Great talk!

Sanjay Sabarwal

Sent from my iPhone

Begin forwarded message:

From: Santoshi <agnge77@gmail.com>
Date: January 10, 2011 10:25:12 PM PST
To: saanam77@yahoo.com
Subject: Great talk!

http://video.ted.com/assets/player/swf/EmbedPlayer.swf

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Go gcoinne Dia thu

The Music Fuels Me, The Dance Completes Me

Anybody can become angry – that is easy; but to be angry with the right person, and to the right degree, and at the right time, and for the right purpose, and in the right way – that is not within everybody’s power and is not easy – Aristotle

The mystery of life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced –  J. J. Van Der Leeuw

Om Mani Padme Hum

Myself, Preeti

A Wake Up Call

Sanjay Sabarwal
It Amazes Me
Image via Wikipedia

So I received a wonderful email from a friend whose words struck a chord with me.  I won’t embarrass her by saying who it is but will put up the excerpt.  It truly is great advice and one that I plan to try and implement in my life.  It amazes me how help and great words come from unexpected sources.  The people I assumed would be the main support of my life now have reinforcements and ,in some ways, outpaced by people I haven’t talked to in year.  I am truly blessed and humbled to have so many come forward and be in my life, and for that I do not think I can thank God or these people enough.

I will let the excerpt complete this post because it truly does, and I hope whoever reads it gets what it’s trying to do:

I have been wanting to say a few things to you after reading your post.  Like you have been told by others, I think you are being too hard on yourself.  We never see it ourselves so its natural that people in our lives point it out to us.  If you think striving for perfection is going to fix all, then you can definitely try…but remember there is no such thing.  So is striving for something that does not exist worth the consequences of your efforts.

If you want to strive for something, then strive to live each moment with what feels right to you.  When you are down on yourself, you judge, degrade, negate, scold, demoralize yourself.  These negative actions cause more negative thoughts and spread like poison in your system.  Stop and realize that if you have negativity inside you, what is coming out to the people around you?

If you are asking “What do I do then?” Well of course that is up to you.  If you want to create more positivity around you, it has to start with you.  Use your power of making a choice to choose and create more positive thoughts.  Here are a few things you might want to try if you aren’t already…

print out positive affirmations and put them in places where you will see them at least once a day.  Here are some affirmation from Louise Hay (She use to have cancer and developed affirmations to be more positive)
-“All is well.  Out of this experience, only good will come.  Everything is working out for
my highest good.  I am safe.”
-“I am divinely protected and guided.”
-“I release the past and allow love to find me.  I attract healthy, loving relationships.”

-Play classical music in the background.  Here are some Baroque composers.  Its said that since playing music from this time period is more stimulating because it was composed in a time of richness and abundance.
-Johann Sebastian Bach
-Antonio Vivaldi
-George Frideric Handel

-At night before you guys go to bed, tell each other at least 3 things you are both thankful for that day.

-Don’t criticize yourself or others.

-Surround yourselves with positive people.

-Respond to your emotions, don’t just react to them.

I am sure you are both overwhelmed with so much coming your way.  Don’t feel you have to do what others are saying…find your own ways, your own peace.  Learn to discover what is love and peace to the both of you and build a life together on that.

Brownness

10 Things Smart People Forget

Sanjay Sabarwal

—— Forwarded Message
From: Marc and Angel Hack Life <marc.chernoff@gmail.com>
Date: Mon, 10 Jan 2011 12:04:50 +0000
To: Sanjay Sabarwal <sanjay@zibabeauty.com>
Subject: Marc and Angel

Marc and Angel <http://www.marcandangel.com>
<http://fusion.google.com/add?source=atgs&feedurl=http://feeds.feedburner.com/MarcAndAngel>

10 Simple Truths Smart People Forget <http://www.marcandangel.com/2011/01/10/10-simple-truths-smart-people-forget/> Posted: 09 Jan 2011 08:37 PM PST Some of the smartest people I know continuously struggle to get ahead because they forget to address a few simple truths that collectively govern our potential to make progress.  So here’s a quick reminder:
#1 – Education and intelligence accomplish nothing without action.
It doesn’t matter if you have a genius IQ and a PhD in Quantum Physics, you can’t change anything or make any sort of real-world progress without taking action.  There’s a huge difference between knowing how to do something and actually doing it.  Knowledge and intelligence are both useless without action.  It’s as simple as that.  For some practical guidance on taking action, I highly recommend The Now Habit <http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1585425524?ie=UTF8&tag=marandang-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=1585425524> .
#2 – Happiness and success are two different things.
I know an extremely savvy businesswoman who made almost a million dollars online last year. Every entrepreneur I know considers her to be wildly successful.  But guess what?  A few days ago, out of the blue, she told me that she’s depressed.  Why?  “I’m burnt out and lonely.  I just haven’t taken enough time for myself lately,” she said.  “Wow!” I thought.  “One of the most successful people I know isn’t happy.” I also know a surfer who surfs almost all day, every day on the beach in front of our condo complex in San Diego.  He’s one of the most lighthearted, optimistic guys I’ve ever met – always smiling from ear to ear.  But he sleeps in a van he co-owns with another surfer and they both frequently panhandle tourists for money.  So while I can’t deny that this man seems happy, I wouldn’t classify his life as a success story. “What will make me happy?” and “What will make me successful?” are two of the most important questions you can ask yourself.  But they are two different questions.
#3 – Everyone runs their own business.
No matter how you make a living or who you think you work for, you only work for one person, yourself.  The big question is:  What are you selling, and to whom?  Even when you have a full-time, salaried, ‘Corporate America’ position, you are still running your own business.  You are selling one unit of your existence (an hour of your life) at a set price (the associated fraction of your salary) to a customer (your employer). So how can you simultaneously save your time and increase your profit?  The answer is slightly different for everyone.  But it’s an answer you should be seeking.  The 4-Hour Workweek <http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0307465357?ie=UTF8&tag=marandang-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=0307465357>  is a good read on this topic.
#4 – Having too many choices interferes with decision making.
Here in the 21st century where information moves at the speed of light and opportunities for innovation seem endless, we have an abundant array of choices when it comes to designing our lives and careers.  But sadly, an abundance of choice often leads to indecision, confusion and inaction. Several business and marketing studies have shown that the more product choices a consumer is faced with, the less products they typically buy.  After all, narrowing down the best product from a pool of three choices is certainly a lot easier than narrowing down the best product from a pool of three hundred choices.  If the purchasing decision is tough to make, most people will just give up. So if you’re selling a product line, keep it simple.  And if you’re trying to make a decision about something in your life, don’t waste all your time evaluating every last detail of every possible option.  Choose something that you think will work and give it a shot.  If it doesn’t work out, choose something else and keep pressing forward.
#5 – All people possess dimensions of success and dimensions of failure.
This point is somewhat related to point #2 on happiness and success, but it stands strong on its own as well… Trying to be perfect is a waste of time and energy.  Perfection is an illusion. All people, even our idols, are multidimensional.  Powerful business men, polished musicians, bestselling authors, and even our own parents all have dimensions of success and dimensions of failure present in their lives. Our successful dimensions usually encompass the things we spend the most time doing.  We are successful in these dimensions because of our prolonged commitment to them.  This is the part of our lives we want others to see – the successful part that holds our life’s work.  It’s the notion of putting our best foot forward.  It’s the public persona we envision as our personal legacy:  “The Successful ABC” or “The Award Winning XYZ.” But behind whichever polished storyline we publically promote, there lies a multi-dimensional human being with a long list of unprofessed failures.  Sometimes this person is a bad husband or wife.  Sometimes this person laughs at the expense of others.  And sometimes this person merely takes their eyes off the road and rear-ends the car in front of them.
#6 – Every mistake you make is progress.
Mistakes teach you important lessons.  Every time you make one, you’re one step closer to your goal.  The only mistake that can truly hurt you is choosing to do nothing simply because you’re too scared to make a mistake. So don’t hesitate – don’t doubt yourself.  In life, it’s rarely about getting a chance; it’s about taking a chance.  You’ll never be 100% sure it will work, but you can always be 100% sure doing nothing won’t work.  Most of the time you just have to go for it! And no matter how it turns out, it always ends up just the way it should be.  Either you succeed or you learn something.  Win-Win.  Remember, if you never act, you will never know for sure, and you will be left standing in the same spot forever.
#7 – People can be great at doing things they don’t like to do.
Although I’m not suggesting that you choose a career or trade you dislike, I’ve heard way too many smart people say something like, “In order to be great at what you do, you have to like what you do.”  This just isn’t true. A good friend of mine is a public accountant.  He has told me on numerous occasions that he dislikes his job – “that it bores him to death.”  But he frequently gets raises and promotions.  At the age of 28, out of nearly a thousand Jr. Accountants in his division, he’s one of only two who were promoted to be Sr. Accountants this past year.  Why?  Because even though he doesn’t like doing it, he’s good at what he does. I could come up with dozens of other examples just like this, but I’ll spare you the details.  Just realize that if someone dedicates enough time and attention to perfecting a skill or trade, they can be insanely good at doing something they don’t like to do.  For an insightful read in this department, I highly recommend The Talent Code <http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/055380684X?ie=UTF8&tag=marandang-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=055380684X> .
#8 – The problems we have with others are typically more about us.
Quite often, the problems we have with others – our spouse, parents, siblings, etc. – don’t really have much to do with them at all.  Because many of the problems we think we have with them we subconsciously created in our own mind.  Maybe they did something in the past that touched on one of our fears or insecurities.  Or maybe they didn’t do something that we expected them to do.  In either case, problems like these are not about the other person, they’re about us. And that’s okay.  It simply means these little predicaments will be easier to solve.   We are, after all, in charge of our own decisions.  We get to decide whether we want to keep our head cluttered with events from the past, or instead open our minds to the positive realities unfolding in front of us. All we need is the willingness to look at things a little differently – letting go of ‘what was’ and ‘what should have been,’ and instead focusing our energy on ‘what is’ and ‘what could be possible.’
#9 – Emotional decisions are rarely good decisions.
Decisions driven by heavy emotion are typically misguided reactions rather than educated judgments.  These reactions are the byproduct of minimal amounts of conscious thought and primarily based on momentary ‘feelings’ instead of mindful awareness. The best advice here is simple:  Don’t let your emotions trump your intelligence.  Slow down and think things through before you make any life-changing decisions.
#10 – You will never feel 100% ready when an opportunity arises.
The number one thing I persistently see holding smart people back is their own reluctance to accept an opportunity simply because they don’t think they’re ready.  In other words, they believe they require additional knowledge, skill, experience, etc. before they can aptly partake in the opportunity.  Sadly, this is the kind of thinking that stifles personal growth. The truth is nobody ever feels 100% ready when an opportunity arises.  Because most great opportunities in life force us to grow emotionally and intellectually.  They force us to stretch ourselves and our comfort zones, which means we won’t feel totally comfortable at first.  And when we don’t feel comfortable, we don’t feel ready. Just remember that significant moments of opportunity for personal growth and development will come and go throughout your lifetime.  If you are looking to make positive changes in your life you will need to embrace these moments of opportunity even though you will never feel 100% ready for them. Photo by: Alemdag <> <https://feedads.g.doubleclick.net/~a/ClejNb_giZ39UBkzoLAegJfE0uA/XrE2uvpERESzNNT_kP3NqdU93aI/0/pa>  <https://feedads.g.doubleclick.net/~a/ClejNb_giZ39UBkzoLAegJfE0uA/XrE2uvpERESzNNT_kP3NqdU93aI/1/pa>
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—— End of Forwarded Message