Cue “Run This Town” by Jay Z from his Hits Collection Vol 1, put it on repeat, flash to another waiting room, another place where nurses don’t look at you or can’t remember her name, surrounded by some smiling, others crying, some just blank and others just there. Time ticks. The music goes on and the heart expands, and in those 4 minutes, you look around the dreary room and say “we gonna run this town tonight.” Flash to the car, hitting 100 miles an hour, feeling like 200, and you keep the song on repeat, nothing else will do, this song, this Anthem, gotta break the rules, I don’t care, I am gonna run this town tonight. I pledge the allegiance to her, this is almost over, a small bump, blip in the radar of life, we got this baby. Almost there.
Time becomes meaningless, only the music remains, the thoughts only her, willing her to hear your heart, almost there babu, the finish line is coming up. All your love, all your work, everything you got, give it to him now (quoting Rocky 4, Duke’s speech to Rocky in the last round versus Drago), and then another line hits me (He’s cut, you see, he’s a man, he’s not a machine. He’s hurting. No pain, no pain!) and suddenly Cancer is our Drago, you ain’t so bad. We are coming to the final around soon, and your are cut, and guess what: we run this town. No pain. All our love, all our happiness, all our dreams, all our hopes, desires, just around the corner. We have just begun, we didn’t pick the fight but we are going to end it with a knockout. The only way to live baby because we run this town.
I have a confession to make. I have had my Mac Book Pro for about 3 months and I still don’t know how to create folders or save documents in a particular folder. So much for getting the latest technology. So I got another thing added to my to do list: learn how to use laptop. Then I realized that I paid for One to One with Apple for $99, and maybe I ought to use it. so I signed up for a workshop.
Today has been the realization that I have so much clutter in my life because I keep getting things in the wane hope of relieving some immediate pain. No forethought, no wait and see, just buy/subscribe/enroll/buy some more. It has become so bad that a quick look at my email inbox revealed it to be 90% spam, but the sad part is I had subscribed to all these newsletters so who’s the spam really, the email or me?
So slowly I began to unsubscribe and suddenly some of the pressure to read each email alleviated. I started unsubscribing faster, not caring to hear the reasons of any newsletter, and at the end only 2 subscriptions remained that I kept because I actually read them. One is Marc and Angel, (www.marcandangel.com) usually about creativity productivity or just really good ways to improve your life and The Personal Excellence Blog (http://celestinechua.com/blog/) which currently is about fasting (guys on day 5 of fasting). So here I sit with my Yogi Tea (gotta hit Whole Foods ones of these days), feeling like I accomplished something. Then it hit me, that I need to go further, I need to reduce all the clutter in my life, so I deleted half the Apps on my phone which I don’t use (actually more than half), then I started making a list of my bills, and I noticed I was spending money repeatedly on dumb things. So I made a note to unsubscribe from unneeded bills.
You ever wonder if you can just unsubscribe from certain parts of your life? Well you can, you just have to realize how much they clutter up your life and just unsubscribe from the worry, the guilt, the constant feeling of failing, just unsubscribe. Many of my friends have noticed a change in me, and some even wonder how a book could influence me so much (Taking The Leap by Pema Chodron), but it wasn’t the book, it was just the right time. I had over-subscribed to all my emotions, and it hit me that I was completely cluttered up. So I took 3 deep breaths (something I do whenever I remember throughout the day, part of my “mini” meditations), believed I needed this, had the faith, and took the leap to unsubscribe.
I have a long road ahead of me, and part of me still has the sneaking suspicion that this is too good to be true, but I know that’s the old me, jealous that I no longer need anger and hurt to define me. I choose love and faith.
One today is worth two tomorrows. -Benjamin Franklin
Yesterday is history and tomorrow is merely a figment of your imagination. So if you think about it, today is the only day you’re truly alive. Here’s how to make it a good one:
Get started a few minutes early.
Work on something that’s meaningful to you.
Complete an important piece of unfinished business.
Spend time with positive, friendly people.
Do something nice for someone else.
Be present. Focus on where you are, what you’re doing and who you’re with right now.
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