#30trust, #trust30, Writing

Fear: A Blog Post

Sanjay Sabarwal
Cover of "Fear of Writing"
Cover of Fear of Writing

Fear by Lachlan Cotter
These are the voices which we hear in solitude, but they grow faint and inaudible as we enter into the world. Society everywhere is in conspiracy against the manhood of every one of its members. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Is fear holding you back from living your fullest life and being truly self expressed? Put yourself in the shoes of the you who’s already lived your dream and write out the answers to the following:

Is the insecurity you’re defending worth the dream you’ll never realize? or the love you’ll never venture? or the joy you’ll never feel?

Will the blunder matter in 10 years? Or 10 weeks? Or 10 days? Or 10 minutes?

Can you be happy being anything less than who you really are?

Now Do. The Thing. You Fear.

I knew it would be difficult to take on the 30 challenge more so than anything  else because it would require me to face my fear of writing regularly and perhaps on some sort of schedule.  The stories sit inside me cobwebbed, yet I feel great anxiety when I start to dust off the past to write about it mainly because I have not dealt with the emotional consequence as well as having a turbulent present.  So where do I begin? That’s the question I am stuck or similarly whenever people ask what I want to write about, I say Ziba but to be quite honest, I do not if that’s the first story I want to tell.

As I witnessed a good friends wedding from UCLA, and being around other UCLA friends, I realized how much I miss that perfect time when all that mattered was scholarship and friendship.  It was a perfect time when writing came to be easy and words just appeared when I sat in front of the campus desktop computer.  Yet more than anything else, I was not alone.  I remember spending nights on my friend’s couch when I had no money for dorm housing, and benefiting greatly from the generosity of true friends who I see now 15 years later, and it is as if nothing has changed.  We all have spouses now, and we are older but just for that one night, we felt like we were 21 again, laughing and giggling about the dumb things we did at UCLA.

Yes the insecurity returns when the 39-year-old me sits here and wonder what to write about and it hits me that more than anything else, I am fighting about my own story.  I do not who I am anymore.  Years ago, I had a defined personality and name away from Ziba Beauty but now I am just a co-owner and while the opportunities are endless, there is a sense of betrayal to my sense of what I should be doing: which is writing.  So more than anything else, as I sit in this hotel room in New York, I am determined now to keep writing regularly and hopefully have something published next year.

Divine Idea by Fabian Kruse
Imitation is Suicide. Insist on yourself; never imitate. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Write down in which areas of your life you have to overcome these suicidal tendencies of imitation, and how you can transform them into a newborn you – one that doesn’t hide its uniqueness, but thrives on it. There is a “divine idea which each of us represents” – which is yours?

Currently, I have a tendency of copying and pasting my own old writings and not really creating anything new so I need to stop “killing” myself and just sit down and write.

 

 

Related articles
#30trust, #trust30

Afraid to Do/Personal Message

Sanjay Sabarwal

In the midst of a humid and hot as hell New York, I stayed away from the laptop just taking in the alone time with her and some old family.  So far, it has to led to mixed results as we have become rusty at truly being alone together.  The constant calls and texts from others do not help sometimes only because we have become new at being with each other. Sad truth is, we are struggling more so because there are some old habits we have that are hard to break, and are creating constant friction.  Anyways, that is my long winded way of saying sorry, I didn’t get to the prompts for these reasons/

Trust30-Day 9-Afraid to Do

Afraid to Do by Mary Jaksch

The other terror that scares us from self-trust is our consistency; a reverence for our past act or word, because the eyes of others have no other data for computing our orbit than our past acts, and we are loath to disappoint them. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Emerson says: “Always do what you are afraid to do.” What is ‘too scary’ to write about? Try doing it now.

Writing for me has always been personal but recent comments by others in my family and others close to me have now made me scared to put down anything “real” or “off the cuff” for fear of offending them as well as coming off as harsh.  I feel as if I can no longer vent bout the issues that are affect my due to friends and family.   Unfortunately, I am in a position that I cannot blog about it but I did manage to find another outlet which is to write a blank document, rant and rave and then deleting so I don’t have the stress that I will offend someone. 

Your Personal Message by Eric Handler
To believe your own thought, to believe that what is true for you in your private heart is true for all men, that is genius. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

What is burning deep inside of you? If you could spread your personal message RIGHT NOW to 1 million people, what would you say?

My message would be a copy and paste of Pema Chodron.  To let things be, let emotion flow around you and don’t waste time on things that do not matter, spend time on the ones that make you matter. 

Related articles
Brownness

Five Years: Blog Post

Sanjay Sabarwal

Five Years by Corbett Barr
There will be an agreement in whatever variety of actions, so they be each honest and natural in their hour. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

What would you say to the person you were five years ago? What will you say to the person you’ll be in five years?

(Author: Corbett Barr)

Five years ago, I would have told myself to take better care of myself so I would not be taking medicine for cholesterol and Blood Pressure or at least work out so I wouldn’t have to constantly try to lose weight and not be as “big” as I am. Get to know the person you have fallen in love with and make a partnership rather than just focus on the families

 

To my future 5-year-old, I would say keep up the working out, the reading and writing and have at least something published so you can keep writing.  Have a family that you love as much as your love your wife and visit somewhere annually.

Brownness

The Mountain

Sanjay Sabarwal
While on vacation in Colorado, I woke up early for a hike. The three-mile trail ran to the peak of Beaver Creek Mountain. At the top base a sign said it should take about three hours to reach the top.

Looking up to my destination, I was intimidated. The trail was extremely steep. The altitude at the base was 8,000 feet above sea level. The peak stood at more than 11,000 feet.

Just walking up the first set of stairs, I began breathing heavier than normal. I had to remind myself to take it easy. At home in Houston, I run several miles a few times a week and play a lot of basketball. But the elevation there is only fifty feet above sea level. The thinner air in the Colorado Mountains had me doubting whether I could make it to the top. I started out with my cell phone and a bottle of water.

Determined, I set a pretty good pace. The first fifteen minutes seemed as though I were carrying an extra load. I had to stop every so often to catch my breath.

About forty-five minutes into my hike, the trail got extremely steep – almost like I was climbing straight up. My pathway snaked skyward through thick strands of aspen and ponderosa pine. The view was both beautiful and daunting. Despite the fact that I am in shape from running and playing basketball, my legs were burning and my chest was pounding.

As I climbed over the big ridge, I had to stop for air. Sweat was pouring out of my body. I thought: If there’s another two hours like this, I don’t know if I can make it.

Up to that point, I had not seen anyone else on the path. Suddenly an older gentleman heading down the mountain came around a curve. He seemed cool and calm. And he read me pretty well.

As we passed, he said something that changed my whole perspective. He smiled kindly and said in a calm voice: "You are closer than you think."

Hearing those words, I felt rejuvenated as if he’d breathed new life into my lungs. Though the climb was difficult, I caught my second wind and whispered those words of encouragement with every stride that I made.

Without those encouraging words I may have turned around, even though I was almost at the top.

Friends, you are closer to your victory than you think. Don’t stop now. Do not turn around, just keep pressing forward.
#30trust, Ziba

Dare to be Bold About Ziba: A Blog Post

Sanjay Sabarwal
tabiat ziba
Image via Wikipedia

Today, let’s take a step away from rational thought and dare to be bold. What’s one thing you’ve always wanted to accomplish but have been afraid to pursue? Write it down. Also write the obstacles in your way of reaching your goal. Finally, write down a tangible plan to overcome each obstacle.

The only thing left is to, you know, actually go make it happen. What are you waiting for?

(Author: Matt Cheuvront)

The one thing I have always to accomplished to write a full length book, and the main obstacle really has been my fear and laziness in actually get my crap together, committing to a schedule and actually writing.  It’s a bit more complicated than that.  I am still unsure if I have a story in my life.  I know I want to write but about what, not sure exactly.  Well. that’s not true exactly.  I definitely want to write a memoir about Ziba and then perhaps about myself but I hesitate because I find the subject to be too large.  That’s not true either. I am just not committed to a schedule.  I feel that being General Counsel, I should focus more on that aspect for the day-to-day when my real talent and passion are in writing.  So I need to work on an outline, put down all the ideas, put them together in a coherent way and then get to writing.  The more I think about it, the memoir on Ziba would be fascinating as we went from a business that started on $2000 to over several million dollars as well expanding to become the industry leaders in the Eyebrow threading category.  Where I get stuck is more emotional in that what was my role in it, did I really do much more than ride its coattails, and only now can I confidently say that no I gave it my all.  My main obstacle is my lack of commitment to a schedule to just research, interview, and then write.  Until I treat it as a time sensitive project, it will not get done.

The other obstacle could be the topic itself, because as much as I want to write about Ziba, I am hesitant to since it’s family and perhaps a bit too personal  More than anything else, I want to be published and it is this uncertainty on what to write that I flounder yet as I write these words I know the story that has the greatest chance is the one about Ziba and it would also allow to write full time as this would be a “work” assignment so starting I commit to start this project September 1st (get the wedding and honeymoon done in style July, August, as well perhaps start on an outline) and commit to a complete rough draft by the end of 2011 (that would also solve one of my major goals before I turn 40).

Related articles
Brownness

Thoughtful Proverbs :)

Sanjay Sabarwal
If you dig a hole for someone else, you’ll fall into it.
Hungarian Proverb

A lie travels round the world while truth is putting her boots on.
French Proverb

Man who run behind car get exhausted.
 Chinese Proverb

Anger can be an expensive luxury.
Italian Proverb

If ifs and buts were candy and nuts;
if wishes were horses, beggars might ride.;
 ifs and ands were pots and pans, then we would need no tinkers.;
if wishes were fishes, there’d be no room in the river for water.
Russian Proverb

Words have no wings but they can fly a thousand miles.
Korean Proverb  

Be aware of the idiot, for he is like an old dress. Every time you patch it, the wind will tear it back again.
Arabic Proverb

A peacock who sits on his tail is just another turkey.
Proverb

You will never plough a field if you only turn it over in your mind.
Irish Proverb  

If you marry a monkey for his wealth, the money goes and the monkey remains as is.
Egyptian Proverb