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The buzz of the birds shines outside our window in Geneva, Switzerland, jet lag still a dear friend so as she breathes heavily due to an impromptu day nap, I sit myself in front of you to spill the churning thoughts inside me. Poetic I am not, overly bored definitely. I am smiling involuntarily as images of dancing with my friends and family is still looking to be filed away to become a distant memory yet the amazing wedding and love shown are making me reluctant to tuck away wedding month of celebration. I dare not admit that 5 years ago, this seemed impossible, with many writing off (including myself) a big wedding, instead hoping someone from her side would show up. Yet, I seem hard pressed to remember that time, instead I am surrounded by smiling happy faces from both sides, her loving brothers, her amazing parents and finally my always there family, culminating in 7 perfect events, 1000s of pictures, 100s of hours of movie footage but more than a lifetime of commitment to each other and our families, yet somewhere lost between are the small little moments we had, rough to sweet and I wonder what it is that makes a marriage (yeah, can you tell I am married now)? When does a couple stop being lovers and friends and move on to becoming a loving partnership? I ask because only in a true partnership can we accept each other strengths and weaknesses, soldering them together to become even stronger, even more agile and finally even more loving. When we are lovers and friends, we each have distinct needs and wants that need to be taken care of, but in a marriage everything becomes conjoined, shared, split, experienced together otherwise your just two really good roommates who happen to get it on once in a while, aren’t we?
So here I sit, while her snoring gets louder, and I still at the various images hitting my head, from the little things friends did for me (sing when they weren’t planning on it, plan a bachelor party for 13 loud and picky guys, fly down even thought we hadn’t seen each other in years), just a multitude of kindness that I am not sure I can ever repay to the present moment. She lies in bed snoring away at 9pm (12 noon our times) and in room my thoughts roam and I wonder (yet again), how I ever got this lucky. 🙂 It is becoming hard to sign off, to stop this post because the smile is not going away but the dread of what lies in the future remains. So she snores and I roam…
Hope by: William M. Buchholz, M.D., Chicken Soup for the Surviving Soul
As I ate breakfast one morning, I overheard two oncologists conversing. One complained bitterly, “You know, Bob, I just don’t understand it. We used the same drugs, the same dosage, the same schedule and the same entry criteria. Yet I got a 22 percent response rate and you got a 74 percent. That’s unheard of for metastatic cancer. How do you do it?”
His colleague replied, “We’re both using Etoposide, Platinum, Oncovin and Hydroxyurea. You call yours EPOH. I tell my patients I’m giving them HOPE. As dismal as the statistics are, I emphasize that we have a chance.”
Maya Angelou was interviewed by Oprah on her 70+ birthday. Oprah asked her what she thought of growing older. And, there on television, she said it was ‘exciting…’ Regarding body changes, she said there were many, occurring every day……like her breasts. They seem to be in a race to see which will reach her waist, first. The audience laughed so hard they cried. She is such a simple and honest woman, with so much wisdom in her words! Maya Angelou said this: ‘I’ve learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.’ ‘I’ve learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.’ ‘I’ve learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you’ll miss them when they’re gone from your life.’ ‘I’ve learned that making a ‘living’ is not the same thing as making a life.’ ‘I’ve learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.’ ‘I’ve learned that you shouldn’t go through life with a catcher’s mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw some things back…’ ‘I’ve learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision.’ ‘I’ve learned that even when I have pains, I don’t have to be one.’ ‘I’ve learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back….’ ‘I’ve learned that I still have a lot to learn..’ ‘I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.’
It’s easy to write when your sad, angry and full of hope, but harder for me to write when I am happy. My high school teacher Marie Tollstrup used to say that if you look at most poetry and literature, it has traces of negative emotion with a happy ending merely to showcase the writer’s whimsy, yet today I feel obligated to note the love surrounding her and I, amongst our dear friends, family from abroad and in general. Each day in the past week has been full of positive emotion, brimming with future possibility, and the reality that our time has finally come. This December will make it 5 years when I fell in love so deeply and truly with someone who I had known all my life that it still feels unreal that I am with someone so beautiful inside and out. But I digress. These past few days have made me realize how truly blessed and lucky I am to have the people I do in my life. Looking at my past posts, I have spent an inordinate amount of time whining about the ones that truly do not matter, ignoring the ones that come around me at a drop of a hat, and I cannot help be thankful for being just good enough to have them in my life. I do not know what I did to deserve them but dammit, I am going to make damn sure I keep them!
Thank you, thank you, and thank you. I wish I was more eloquent but I cannot stop smiling, while soaking in these beautiful days and events with amazing friends and family. THANK YOU!
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