Brownness

Beyond Comfort

Sanjay Sabarwal

Yesterday, i got my client peace of mind with a one year retraining order against the other side as well as attorneys fees. Seeing the wide grin on their face made it worth m not having my peace of mind over the weekend. You see, I have now realized that I like the challenge of litigation because it pushes me far beyond my comfort level. It forces me to sit down, get organized, to put words down on paper rather than keep convincing myself that I got this. It is hard work for me to simply sit down in the quiet, get all thoughts done, REALLY think about the issues at hand, and then come up wtih a chronology.

Now mind you, I saw some gaps, and I worried about the other side and what they would come up with. I blamed myself for not being as prepared when I called the other side the first time. So it made for a special day when I handed him the exhibit binder, and he reviewed it with his client, and then made an offer to settle rather than have an entire hearing in front of the judge. Thats when it hit me that when I am uncomfortable, but do the work, things work out in my favor.

This is a lesson that has been continually shoved in my face, and now I know that in order for me to get good at this, I have to be comfortable with being uncomfortable. Its the zone of action. Not just sitting there stressing or telling myself that I got this. But really getting down to connecting with my client needs, what happened, and what needs to happen. It made for an even better today to come home and then support my wife in potty training Zyan who managed to use the toilet 3 times.

When we do the difficult things, the rewards are infinitely better than when things are just handed to you. Its a lesson I now look foward to learning continuously. Live in discomfort, love the reward. Life is just beyond that comfort zone.

Happy Tuesday!

Brownness

Be Present

Sanjay Sabarwal

From an amazing MasterMind Zoom call, to having my son’s ignite with excitement as we experience Discovery Cube for the second time, and then just having intimate time with the just three of us being present to each other, I knew that there were things happen. My life manifests success when I am present in preparation for work, being wiht Zyan and my wife, to giving time to friends, loved ones, potential clients, clients as well as family.

It’s a lesson that I continue to learn. When I multitask, scroll social media, answer emails and texts while walking into home, I don’t do myself favors. Becoming more and more disconnected is not the answer so now my new mantra is Be Present. That means putting the phone away as soon as I walk in the door. Being there with Zyan as he shows me his new vocabulary and games that he’s invented, going over letters, and words. It means kissing the wife as soon as I walk in so Zyan sees that as the norm not be on a phone.

It means just being there when he looks up and smiles and shares whatever comes to his fancy. And it also means that its not a task, its a privilege to be there. See him, like REALLY see him. It also relates to all other aspects of my life. Being mindful is a huge undertaking for me sometimes when I get distracted by the latest shiny thing but I feel now a pleasure of just being. And so thats my intention beginning this month.

Brownness

14

Sanjay Sabarwal

In this morning quiet while my wife sleeps with our son, it feels the appropriate way to start our day for our 14th wedding anniversary. The cliche that it fees like yesterday still very much relevant, the sounds of our reception still echoing in my heart where our families ensured that we celebrated in the best way possible, honoring us with so much of their love and blessings. The walk around the Guru Granth Sahib in the Gurudwara where we accepted each other in front all of our family members and friends. Gratitude courses through me even though there are times the journey hasn’t been easy.

Between Cancer, Strokes, brain surgery, symptons and illnesses from Cancer treatment, loss of loved ones, moving multiple times, and growing a law practice, there are days it feels that getting through a day a major victory, and then there are nights out like last friday where we got our first night out in ages, and I got to relive being an event promoter and seeing one of my favorite artists Sukhbir perform. A heady weekend where we spend the day with family during the day, and in the evening just the three of us being.

Our little family made possible by the fierce determination from my wife to bring a little one into this world. Our lives now before and after Zyan. Having him during this event makes it all the more special because we both know what it took to create this relationship. So today I get not only say Thank You Preeti, but I also get say always and again and again I love you Babu.

Happy Anniversary

Brownness

Bella Sabarwal

Sanjay Sabarwal

Bella came into our lives 18 years ago in Big Bear, the very day I proposed to Jaz. She was meant as a gift for my wife, a small, white maltipoo, weighing just eight pounds. At the time, I wasn’t much of a dog lover, but Jaz’s dream was my mission, and without fully realizing it, that tiny puppy quietly nestled into my heart, changing me forever.

I didn’t realize how deeply I had fallen for Bella until I found myself proudly walking her, playfully calling her silly names, scooping up after her without a second thought. I became jealous, even, witnessing the pure devotion she and Jaz shared. Bella was never merely a pet—she was our child, our companion, our comforter.

Bella taught me profound lessons in simple, everyday gestures. She taught me patience and unconditional love, the joy of quiet companionship, and how loyalty is often spoken in silence. She showed me the depth of comfort that comes from a small, loving presence, especially when Jaz faced her hardest days battling cancer. Bella wrapped herself around Jaz, her gentle warmth providing a solace no medicine could replicate.

We lost Bella a week ago. Holding her in our arms as she took her last breath left an emptiness within me so deep, I struggle to say her name or even share news of her passing. Our home is hauntingly silent—no clicking nails across the hardwood floors, no soft snoring, no playful chases around the room. Each room carries a painful echo of her absence.

What hurts most is the constant reminder that a precious piece of our family is gone forever. Bella was never “just a dog”; she was a cornerstone of our lives, forever embedded in thousands of memories and photographs, including our cherished engagement portrait that I see every day.

When I think of Bella, the ache settles heavily in my chest, a raw, lingering pain. It’s difficult to explain to others the depth of our grief—that she was our adopted child, the gentle spirit we never expected would leave so soon. There is no replacement for her presence, no easing of the loss that has profoundly reshaped our daily lives.

We plan to honor Bella by keeping her photos around the house and creating a special album dedicated solely to her memory. We’ve placed her ashes in an urn, awaiting the day when we’ll find the perfect place to memorialize her, alongside the roses Jaz loves so dearly.

I dream Bella is still joyfully running circles around Papa and my aunt somewhere beautiful and peaceful. Someday, when Zyan is old enough, I’ll tell him how Bella taught me to love more deeply, more patiently, and how her gentle presence enriched our lives immeasurably.

If I could introduce Bella to someone new, I would simply say: “This tiny, eight-pound miracle changed our hearts forever. She taught us the true meaning of unconditional love and showed us that life’s greatest moments often lie in the simplest, quietest exchanges.”

She is irreplaceable, unforgettable, deeply loved, and profoundly missed.

Brownness

Fathers Day

Sanjay Sabarwal

I dont think I could have ever imagined how fulfilling a day like this could be until I spent it with my son. It was a whirlwind weekend of library trips, the zoo, park, and spending time with loved ones, but best of all was getting extra kisses and hugs from Zyan. Waking up to see him as my first sight on Sunday morning made for a joy I didnt think possible. My wife ensuring the my day full of reminders of the love we have been blessed with while my heart still shakes in wonder as to our luck. There is so much more to say but the heart feels close to exploding and so I just wallow in the feeling of knowing that I love and am loved deeply.

Of course, there is that familiar pinch of Papa not seeing any of this, of me not calling him Padre, or him usually teasing me in some way, or hugging me way before I ever did, that stupid of regret that just doesnt go away like old gum stuck on a shoe. But also a new angst knowing he didnt mean Zyan, and the things he could have done with him. But that gray cloud now no longer covers my entire sky but it does blot out sun oh ever so often.

But then their faces come into my mind, and I know as unfair as life can seem, there is so much to be grateful for. And so on this day I counted my blessings, including that there is so much Papa taught me that I get to pass on to Zyan. And that alone makes the day a bit brighter!

Brownness

Mothers Day

Sanjay Sabarwal

This past weekend celebrated all the moms in my life, beginning with the one that warmed my heart the most. Watching our son hand flowers to his Mama felt unreal in a way. Even after 2.5 years, he doesn’t feel real. He brings us so much joy, continues teaching us, and his infectious energy radiates throughout our house. He has filled these four walls with a completeness I’d given up on. The best part of the day was seeing the wide grin on my wife’s face as she saw him for the first time that morning. It’s a image we continue with as long as possible,

The day got even better as he gave flowers to both his grandmothers, and his aunts, each of them with joyous expressions on their face as he celebrated them. Most of the morning spent with loved ones, and then some quiet time with just the three of us, and it felt whole, full, meant to be. And then also the acknowledgement of how much my wife has taken on with my work going crazy, and our upcoming trip. Each change in schedule for work she’s accepted stoically, and being a real partner in support, no matter what shes going through.

Zyan challenges and pushes us, and she gets the brunt of it, and instead of just being accepted, she has flown with me, flexed her motherly skills and made it meaninful time rather than wallowing in the unfairness of it. Each time I leave the house, there’s a guilty pang inside me, but I also know that the Universe is looking out for us, giving us the means to give him the life he deserves as well as us.

It always come back to gratitude for all that we have now, and what we didnt in the past, because it was only with those gaps were we motivated to move forward, to make things better, and Mothers Day is a perfect time to recognize that!