Category: Myself

Myself

Acceptance

Sanjay Sabarwal

imagesAnother hectic week. More days doing things, attending events, experiencing discomfort but also, more importantly, connecting with others. Not just doing things for the sake of doing, but participating. No more just observing. There were some lost opportunities to speak up, but you know what, it’s OK. No more regretting what could or should have been said. Now it’s about living in the moment, and accepting things as they are.

I admit, it’s not so easy. It’s easy to listen to that negative voice in the head, and whine or complain about how things should be. I could get lost in that tone, and miss out on a friend expressing loneliness. Even though surrounded by dozens, he still feels that he is living a sheltered life. It hit me that we all can feel this way. Sometimes, just getting caught up in the monotony of  doing same things over and over can feel exhausted. One wonders what’s the point? Which is why I swore to no longer just do the same thing.

To push myself to be uncomfortable as regularly as possible. To not just accept the ho-hum. To do new things. To keep learning. To love deeper. To not just be silent. To listen not to rebut but to actually be present. Funny, how that word keeps coming up.  But its OK. I accept it. 🙂

Food For Thought, Myself

Another Monday

Sanjay Sabarwal

Zig ZiglarAnother chance at a new week. A week full of possibility. We get so many beginnings yet many of us squander them away. I woke up in a funk today. I wondered what to do instead of knowing immediately like I used to. I am unmoored, and with that mental drift comes uncertainty and sadness. Not knowing is the worst. I’d rather have structure, but as you know life doesn’t work that way. Each day is a choice to get up and fight or just lie there in defeat. Each moment, you get to remind yourself of your purpose and then go for it. Wallowing in misery is not an option.  Yet, I admit it can be hard to get up when the world seems to be weighing down on you, or loves ones questioning your motives about everything or losing faith in you completely.

So I breath. Shift. Take another breath. Then plunge right in. Giving up is not an option. Feeling sorry for myself  not even on the calendar.  Fight, Sanjay, Fight. That’s what’s on my mind. The reasons for my being become clearer. I may not change the world, but I can change my mind and day. And for now, that is enough.

Family, Myself

Being Comfortable Being Uncomfortable

Sanjay Sabarwal

downloadLP 122Today, it has been 24 hours since I finished a four-month long training called the Legacy Program (LP). I did not end with relief even though almost every day began with a challenge to my life. I chose LP to redesign my life, and truth be told, I am surprised that it did. I pushed myself in ways I have not in a long time. I chose discomfort as my template rather than being OK with  my life. I pushed myself to create new things and go back to an early Sanjay who cared deeply about what was going on in the world and not just himself. I reactivated my passion for life, and the people who are in it. I chose to live life rather than pass time. In the process. I gained a new family of 54 people who did not allow me to falter or make excuses. They held me to the higher standard I declared. They called me up to be the Sanjay they saw in me, the Sanjay I deserve to be, and the Sanjay who make change happen.

It was not without failure, but now I see that as opportunities to learn from not to give up. Each experience taught me of what’s working and what’s not.  I am truly blessed to have the wife and loved me who encouraged me to spread my wings, and because of that my family grew. I also grew. I now see so much I can contribute, and while the old me talked about why I couldn’t do something, this graduate now discusses possibilities and how it CAN be done.

Family, Food For Thought, Myself

Grateful

Sanjay Sabarwal

The weekend passed in a blink, carrying with it new experiences and memories. Plenty of laughter with the moms and my family. A chance to reconnect and strengthen the bonds, but also to immerse myself in gratitude for the people in my life. I see the next generation and with them the love comes easy, and it heartens me to know that they too get to experience what it means to be amongst people who care about them deeply. Silly conversations to complimenting the food and  four dogs took over our attention, yet more than anything else, the time spent together recharged me.

Each time we get together, I am reminded that the connection is not just because we are related or married to each other, but that we genuinely like being around each other. The one thing missing were dear friends, but I resolved to solve the issue soon. Each of these relationships are my way of charging back into things I want to accomplish in my life. It also reminds me why I do the things that I do in my life. Gratitude rules my life, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

After all, if I do not recognize what’s good in my life, then how I can grow?  Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Food For Thought, Myself

A New Monday

Sanjay Sabarwal

d29eb96da040ebccca2f20e6f2f22017Another Monday. Another day to start the week right. Too often, in the past. I have greeted today as something to regret rather than see it as the opportunity it is. Truth be told, each day, each moment can be a new beginning, but something about the beginning of the week makes it a more complete beginning for me. The early morning quiet in my library allows me to ruminate about what I intend to create this week in my life. Not tasks, not just things to do to cross of my list, but real heavy weight things that will impact my future. That option is always there, yet too often I treat it as just another week.

My past experience has shown me how powerful intention can be, but what really stops me is how exhausting it is. No one tells you how living each day with integrity, intention and love takes time, energy and commitment. No one tells you that being worthy requires work. That being right isn’t enough, you have to live, act and breathe it. Otherwise, all you have are dreams. I will be the first one to tell you that I am a day dreamer, but lately fantasy is just not enough. Thinking without action just doesn’t do it for me anymore. I am more than my thoughts. More than “Should’ve”s, “Could’ve”s. More than empty promises. It’s funny how much shit gets done when you put the excuses and stories away. When you stop feeling sorry for yourself, and starting being more than a collection of words.

So yeah, I am happy its Monday. A new Monday. A new chance to be the Sanjay I know I can be. Happy Monday!

Food For Thought, Journal, Myself

Awake!

Sanjay Sabarwal

owl-drawing-tumblrMy eyes opened automatically. Time to go. No excuses, sleep already a stranger like a lover who skips out before the girl figures it out. None of the normal rationalizations of why I should sleep in appear. I look at the clock. 4:58am. I never imagined that would be me. My father has called me an “ooloo” [owl] all my life due to my penchant for staying up late. But nowadays, 10pm rolls around and my body starts calling for the bed. When you are working on all aspects of your life, and are on a path of self-discovery and betterment, time is not on your side. The excuses of why I “can’t” dissolve, and why I “can” become the norm.   It used to be I was up late to get things done, but really that meant that I got to them later and later. It also wasn’t efficient. Getting up earlier allows me to work on so many more things, and as the mind flags down at the end of the day, I know that I laid out everything inside me. I can also spend the evenings with my wife being present and the anxiety of future things to do dissipates, no longer part of my ongoing stress. I am getting shit done, and that’s all that matters.

To be sure, there are days when the bed is so warm, and my body so tired that getting up from there alone is a task that I am not up for. So I fall back, and you know what? That’s OK. I am learning to know my body. To assess my limits. Some days I just don’t feel like dealing with all that’s on my plate. A plate that I greedily filled up. That’s OK as well. It’s part of getting to know myself. There are days I wish I was an owl again, but really my plate can get bigger, and it will be. The owl may be no longer be my symbol, but it is still a symbol of wisdom.