Category: Journal

Journal

Days 9 and 10

Sanjay Sabarwal

download (1)I have a confession about India. I rave about my experience from a position of privilege. I have a place, a car, ready internet, access to places that others do not and a guide. It allows me to see India safely, separately and from a distance. I do not have the worries that others do when they visit or live in India so I am grateful.

Each day I express gratitude for what I have, and the reasons I love my trip so far. The generosity and love shown by so many tells me that I can come again and again, and the reason is simple. Almost all the reasons I disliked India before have been removed. It’s a startling reminder of how far we have come, and now I look forward to my next trip even while I am here now.

Yet there are still things that are under the surface. Both Dubai and India show how cheaply we treat humans as commodities, and what money really can buy when many do not have much. It is common to see more help present than guests, yet no one blinks an eye as if the ones standing around are accessories. It is this reality that is jarring, and it tells me again how much I have to be grateful for.

India shows promise and gives lessons. What I learn is truly up to me.

Journal, Myself

Days 1 to 7

Sanjay Sabarwal

downloadIn the whirlwind of first time travels to Dubai and coming back to India after 16 years, I learned a lot about myself, and still continue to do so. Each day as I look around, I see so much possibility in humanity. People’s willingness to do whatever it takes is what struck me in Dubai. It was news to me how many indian lived there to make a living. Several taxi drivers told me Dubai did not refuse Visas to anyone.  All were welcome. Judging from the massive buildings and the amount of people, it made sense to have a big service economy. I am no expert, but what also struck me is how desperate Dubai is to be seen as a tourist destination. Alcohol is a privilege and while other religions exist, pictures of the Sheikh rulers and Islam are quite prominent. It was just different, but I also felt pride at the lengths my people go to take care of their own. Overall, the place felt cold but open.

Then came to India, and I embraced it. The diarrhea, the traffic, the noise pollution, the fearless pedestrians, seeing my relatives and my grandfather’s house. all of it enveloped me and it felt right.  Each day, new things come up and it amazes me our the ingenuity people show. Delhi is a traffic beast, yet one can either embrace it or uselessly shout at it. India teaches me presence, and the idea that once you let it go as to how it is supposed to be and how it is, you cannot help but enjoy it!

Inpsiration, Journal, MITT, Myself

Uncommon Weekends

Sanjay Sabarwal

motivational-quote“What did you do this weekend?” A common question for Mondays. Before, I would spit out the same thing. “Nothing,” “Not Much,” “the Same Ole.”  That’s not to say I didn’t do fun stuff, but really, it  was usually the same thing. Now I can say I  volunteered on Friday and got to know an amazing organization, The Child Abuse Prevention Center in Orange County which does this amazing annual event where victims of child abuse and their families receive free school supplies, education, food so they are less isolated and know where to go for resources.

Then Saturday, I joined a new running club and met 12 committed runners at 6:45am (who knew people wake up early on Saturday?!), and discovered I don’t have to do just long runs to prepare for my running events but can do interval training. I was nervous because I am probably the slowest runner on the planet, and was convinced I would embarrass myself.  Instead, I met a group of committed people who were extremely nice and helpful.

Then later on that night, I went to an old friend amazing cookout and learned that I missed the last four years for no good reason. And even later, got to connect with some dear friends.

The point of this post isn’t to brag about all that I am doing (even though it sounds like it), but that ever since I started saying YES to ANYTHING that makes me nervous, my life has changed for the better. There is still so much to say YES to (travelling with the wife, finding new adventures, creating new experiences with the ones I love, and I now realize that uncommon weekends should be the norm not the exception.

Food For Thought, Journal, Myself

Awake!

Sanjay Sabarwal

owl-drawing-tumblrMy eyes opened automatically. Time to go. No excuses, sleep already a stranger like a lover who skips out before the girl figures it out. None of the normal rationalizations of why I should sleep in appear. I look at the clock. 4:58am. I never imagined that would be me. My father has called me an “ooloo” [owl] all my life due to my penchant for staying up late. But nowadays, 10pm rolls around and my body starts calling for the bed. When you are working on all aspects of your life, and are on a path of self-discovery and betterment, time is not on your side. The excuses of why I “can’t” dissolve, and why I “can” become the norm.   It used to be I was up late to get things done, but really that meant that I got to them later and later. It also wasn’t efficient. Getting up earlier allows me to work on so many more things, and as the mind flags down at the end of the day, I know that I laid out everything inside me. I can also spend the evenings with my wife being present and the anxiety of future things to do dissipates, no longer part of my ongoing stress. I am getting shit done, and that’s all that matters.

To be sure, there are days when the bed is so warm, and my body so tired that getting up from there alone is a task that I am not up for. So I fall back, and you know what? That’s OK. I am learning to know my body. To assess my limits. Some days I just don’t feel like dealing with all that’s on my plate. A plate that I greedily filled up. That’s OK as well. It’s part of getting to know myself. There are days I wish I was an owl again, but really my plate can get bigger, and it will be. The owl may be no longer be my symbol, but it is still a symbol of wisdom.

Family, Inpsiration, Journal, MITT, Writing

Awake to Write

Sanjay Sabarwal

Darkness veils the upcoming day outside. Yet I hear it waking up. The deep quietness of the night passed a while ago.I know because I woke up before to hear nothing but deep silence.  I don’t need to look at my clock to know it’s before 6am. Muffled bird chirps reach my ears.  I groggily ask myself for the 1000th time, do I really want to wake up?  I already know the answer, hell yea.  The voice recedes, and I sit up. The dog instantly at alert, it’s walking time! I wish I could tell her that she has to wait, that I have first I have to invest in myself. So in goes the protein shake, and I head to the library. I can no longer say I don’t have time to write. I now have two hours that I are devoted to creating words, and they don’t just stop there. I also turned off my inner editor. For now, I write till I can write no more and instead of sitting there with my fingers poised over my keyboard either deleting what I wrote earlier or bemoaning that I am out of ideas, I keep open several times. A story, an essay and now a blog post.  I heard that from a Timothy Ferris podcast in which one of the participants suggested there is no such thing as writers block, just that for now you had run out to say something for the current piece. So you keep moving.

Oh yeah, and a timer. Because no matter what I need a reminder that this is my time to write. And I can choose to waste it or make something out it because once the bell rings it’s dog walking time. This routine just started, and already it feels like this is something I should have done ages ago. The reality is, there is time to do everything you desire. The question will always be how early do you want to get up to fit it in. I can either be complacent and complaining about the lack of time, or I can suck it up, wake up and get to it. Either way, it’s the life I create for myself. For me, that means being a writer, one who writes daily.

What will you do to make your dream come true?

Journal, Myself

Nanowrimo, Movember, Turkey Trot and Random Thoughts

Sanjay Sabarwal

nano_12_winner_detailIt’s been almost a month since I last blogged. In that time, I managed to write 50,000 words, enough to be considered a winner for Nanowrimo, grow a moustache for Movember and raise almost $600 and completed my first month at crossfit. I also managed to reach my fastest 10K ever (1 hour, 11 minutes and 11 seconds) where at the end I seriously felt like throwing up. For you non math majors. that’s an average of 11 minutes and 27 seconds, nowhere near Hussain Bolt, but for someone like me, a great milestone. Someone marvelled at all the things I am doing, and my first instinct was to tell them about my wife’s patience and secondly about Zen Habits, the Sea Change Program, but then it also hit me. It is my unwillingness to just be comfortable. I mean what’s the point if I am not growing, not learning, not doing something with my time, energy and money? Don’t get me wrong, I am also constantly failing, and as Leo says that’s part of habits. That’s part of life, the learning process. If we don’t fall down, how else can we learn to get back up.

Are there days I feel lazy? All the freaking time.

Do I give up?  More often than I care to admit.

Do I struggle at working out?  I have to finish a crossfit class where I actually got through the Workout of the Day.

So these past four days, I just slept in and rested and just did nothing. And as much as I felt recharged, I also felt anxious. I am not content. The next step is getting that first novel draft edited, do some charitable work that allows me to use my talents (if I have any) to help others, and get my weight down to the ideal of 210 pounds. Also, all along to spend time with my wife that is meaningful and lets her know that she means the world to me.  I know my ambition and lack of communication are a lethal combination sometimes in how I inform my wife of my goals. I am sure its frustrating for those close to me to not know what’s going on in my head, but trust me it’s all geared towards me being the best me I can be.

Hang on tight, its gonna be a wild ride.