Category: Journal

It’s hard to believe its Monday again and I am back at work doing both my jobs, one as a lawyer and one as a co-owner of Ziba Beauty. It makes for blurry time as I stretch myself in my legal practice, and step my efforts to learn all aspects of my actual running business. Then there is the aching need to connect with loved ones, to spend time in a meaningful way than check off a to do list, be healthy, get stronger, write more, be in service to others, be present, and the list goes on and on, and days, months turn into a blurry whirlpool of wondering what’s it all for, and it hits me clearly because not moving means, you are falling.

So I wake up, and I get up and as much as there are times I just want to go back into the warmth of the bed, something inside me won’t let me. Don’t get me wrong, there are some days I give in, but more often than not, I wake up to handle what I want to create for my life vision. And so I keep going, because I don’t want to live a normal life. I want to live a life worth being proud of when I am on my death-bed.

Happy Monday

It hit me that when I let go of some aspects of my routine in life, after a while there are consequences. For example, when I do not meditate consistently or do my community service or not engaged in a meaningful way with my loved ones, a certain ache develops inside me. A small hole that gets bigger, and from being annoyed to childish irritation, suddenly it turns into aching soulful hurt. And then I get to take a step back and re-asses what’s going on inside me.

I have to tell you, with the amount of things I have chosen to involve myself, it’s become easier to lose the routine which is not a good thing because when my emotional foundation is not strong, everything else falls apart. Lately, I have felt immense grief about my aunt, dad and a feeling of being overwhelmed at both my job. It was easy to feel sorry for myself, but I know it serves no purpose except to make myself into a victim.

So new moment. I am what I consume and when I take in negativity, self-doubt and pity that’s who I reflect out as my reality which creates gaps in my life. So today, now, at this time, new moment.

Happy Friday!

Last week, I began saying affirmations as often as I remember. The main one being “I am a peaceful soul.”  Yes more often than not I was at war with my emotions. From irritation and anger, to grief and self-pity, it felt as if the affirmation awoke parts of me that I had been unaware of. Then it hit me how much I judgement I sat all day long, and as  I did the affirmation it highlighted how much of a problem my negative thinking created in my life.

It didn’t help that it was a rough week as I missed my aunt and dad, and it was hard to continue saying I am a peaceful soul when I felt anything but peaceful. Yet I also knew that my rationalizing my constant judgement about others and my emotions were not helping, in fact, were making my days a lot harder than they needed to be.

There were some wins, moments I was proud of myself, ways I could be in contribution to others, and it hit me that kind of work took time. Transformation and negative self talk did not just go away.  I also was fighting a river of negativity and judgement with a few dribbles of positive affirmations, but still it starts with one drop. So I keep working on myself, with the end in mind.

Happy Monday!

It’s been a hectic few weeks, and it hit me that the pace is picking up. I feel stretched in all areas of my life, and what once felt overwhelming now is a reminder how far I have to go.  There are days I don’t want to wake up at 5:30 to do through my morning routines, days when I ask myself no one will care if I don’t do all that I set out to do yet, but there is that niggling voice in my head anyway.

Each day, there is a sense of urgency, and I also keep meeting new people who inspire me to be the best version of myself.  I don’t always succeed, in fact more often than not, I fail. Yet with each fall, I see another way to get back up. It’s not easy, and if  I am honest, there are way more days when I just want to quit.

But I get back up. I learn. I grow. I meet others, and I get inspired.  I am convinced that without growth, my ideas and energy will go stale. So I keep listening to the Rocky 4 soundtrack, and I keep at it. Happy Sunday!

This morning I got a chance to listen to a whole program of B. K Shivani that made a lot of sense to me. She pointed out that in today’s world, what we consume, from food to social media, news, music and conversations form a part of us even when we tell ourselves that we wish to avoid the negative. It hit me that there are things I consume that stay with me long after (namely news and negative conversations) that as much as I don’t want to affect me, become a part of me.  Not only that, those things get amplified and stronger and more likely as more and more of it is consumed by others.

Now I see a pattern that when I start my day on a positive note and a healthy morning routine, I Am much more able to stay on track in terms of my health, emotions and diet. When I allow worry and negativity to begin my day, I not only impact my day, but contribute negatively to others. I have to say it is a challenge because just like a lifestyle change, being present and positive is a daily and continuous process that takes patience, willingness and an openness without judgement that can be hard to maintain.

Yet more and more I am learning towards getting better at this because I am determined to live and be the best version of myself not just for my sake but for the sake of my loved ones.

Happy Monday!

Today, I feel sorry for myself as I recover from the flu.I am beyond frustrated that within two weeks,  I have gotten sick twice. Yet, I can’t allow myself to wallow. Last week, I got my first pull up in and it felt amazing to know that something that was unattainable for so long was finally within reach. Then there were some very successful depositions that are leading to a mediation and a case that felt never-ending how has an end in sight. As I push myself to become comfortable being uncomfortable. it hits me that taking ownership and responsibility for my vision means never laying blame on others. It also means a hard look at myself when results are not there. And I have to say it sucks.

It is east to feel sorry and blame others, but when I live in responsibility and action, it means all roads come through me. No more excuses, justifications. and rationalizations. So I push through even on days  when I don’t feel a 100% or when I don’t want to do certain things. I know in order to grow, I get to stretch and remove all the reasons for why and focus on why not.