Category: Food For Thought

Last week was a mixed bag of things at work, personally and professionally. It is never easy to make changes when I think I am on a set course and focus. Yet time and again, I learn that while it is good to single task, it can also become a shield to not wanting to deal with inconvenient truths.  Last week, a lot of things wrong and while I did sulk for a minute or an hour or two, it became apparent that feeling frustrated, angry or worried solved nothing. I had to take a deeper dive to my reaction, and the answer came back in a simple way: fear.

I was scared of screwing things up more. I was scared of extra things I would have to do which mean less of things I wanted to do. I was scared of missing things. Yet more than anything else I was scared of so much change in so many areas of my life. But then fear diminished as I took a breath, and realized that instead of focusing and blaming others and events for my reactions, I had to take responsibility for my actions and feelings. Every day won’t be the way I want, but it doesn’t mean that it is a bad thing.

Happy Monday!

It is always easy to say I will do better, to make promises, to blame yourself for not getting to things or continue to act in ways not best for you.  I know far too many (including myself) who make plans, but then fail to set themselves to win. It is easy to make resolutions, to swear to lose weight, eat healthier, to head to the gym, or tell yourself to lose dozens of pounds. Yet more often than not, besides words, there are not steps on how to get there. I am the first to admit that I do not set myself up to win when I just declare things without really sitting with my why and how. I look at certain weekly tasks repeated over and over which sit on my planner week over week with nothing done about.

One task in particular grates at me. Doing a desi music podcast. I have the name, the songs for the first two shows done, but no other action. But time after time, I always manage to “forget” this to do item. It haunts me because if anyone that knows me, knows that I like to stay in integrity with my word. So what’s the hold up?  Fear. I am afraid that some will find my voice my grating, others my song selection, and worse of all, indifference. What is the point of creating if there is no one there to experience?  Yet week after week, it’s on my to do list, but I do feel something coming up inside me to put it on my list. I still research, I still look for songs, and then I realize I am setting myself to win by learning and getting to the how. I already know the why: honor my father. So one day, there will be a podcast. If no other reason than because I will be in integrity.

The buzz of the new week is here. Each Monday is a way to get back to the goals set for the month and year. In this morning quiet, I sit and reflect, missing my dad, but also determined to honor him in the way he saw the potential in me. Warm memories of yesterday’s Mother’s Day still course through me as ,even in the midst of it, we not only celebrated our mothers, but our family bond. I marveled at how I’d seen so many of the kids grow up on front of me, and now they were funny, honorable adults who still liked being around each other.

It was also the first of many events to come without my dad. A deep sadness exudes, but also unending gratitude for the time I had with him. Then there is the foundation in my family. My mom. I mean I am not sure there is a way to express what she means to me and to us. Yet that is not good a reason to not still try. So I do even when I feel that is so much more I could do.

So a new week. A reflection in gratitude for what I have, but also now looking forward and assessing if I will do things this week that scare the crap out of me. After all, what is the point if I live the same life daily? I admit that only days like yesterday empower me to days like today where I feel emotionally nourished and safe. Only when I am grounded in knowing what I have will I push myself to be worthy of that love and care.

So I begin this new week with purpose, my heart settled and my love deepened.

One of my monthly goals has been to do one getaway each month. The point is to explore, relax, rejuvenate, reconnects, but more than anything else be an interruption to my  daily habits before they become chores and not something that I aspire to. I also don’t want my daily talks to become mindless to do tasks to mark off. I have to tell you, it’s not easy sometimes to check in and ground myself on why is it that I am doing something. So getaways are a way to break up that rhythm, and reconnect with my “why.”

So on a glorious friday afternoon in Vegas, I floated on my back looking upwards at the blue sky, just being. Letting it go, the water drowning out all the noise of the day, allowing me to take it in and know that where I was, was perfect. It’s easy to fall into the trap of getting things done, but if I don’t do getaways what is the point?  I mean, what is living if we don’t enjoy our days?

The past few weeks,  both my jobs have revved up, and I realize that I don’t build in some time off, I will burn out. I love what I am doing, but my vision requires me to be present in all areas of my life not just work. So this weekend ended up being one of discovery, relaxation, reconnection and most of all, a reminder as to why I push myself so hard to be the best version of myself.