Category: Brownness

This past week and month have been a blur, and just like that, we are a few days away from moving to a new city, adventure, and place. It blows my mind how much I accumulated in two years, but more likely it’s stuff I brought in from the last place. And so I let go, declutter, make space in my place, heart and soul for new experiences, new people, new things to talk about. Yet it seems far and close at the same time. So much to get done this week while also celebrating a friend’s wedding.

It’s hard to complain about my schedule when truly I am receiving the fruits of my behavior, from get togethers, to have the ability to move, to getting busier, and having to choose between events. Yet I also know that it is easy to get lost in going from one thing to another, easier to lose sight of my vision, to get buried in work and forget the reasons for getting into lawyering. It means remembering my why. To focus, to keep up morning routine to replenish myself so I don’t draw empty.

It means saying no more often, to putting up my hand and regaining my footing for my priorities so I am not just running from one thing to another even though I want to. I just know it doesn’t serve me when I don’t give myself time to rest and recover as well as heal. I am exciting as I about to begin a new journey to a new place, but also to my physical therapy, I can even allow myself to dream to get back to the gym. To not this 50th year of my life be just about recovering but of bouncing back, harder, faster and richer in experience and time with loved ones.

Happy Monday!

This past weekend, I got a chance yet again to be surrounded by loved ones, to make new experiences with familiar people and not so familiar, a chance to make memories, to spend time not money in a way that enriched my life. Time and time again I am amazed at how many people I am surrounded by who treasure the same things I do. Time with family, deepening bonds, to not just be about one thing but the longer goal which is to have as many people as possible who share the same desires to expand their minds, hearts and ultimately souls.

I know it sounds like hyperbole, but as we drove down the mountain at end of the weekend, a deep contentment coursed through me as I watched my mother sleep in the car while my mother and father in law joked around, and my wife and sister in law sat all the way in the back of the large SUV, and that was just one car while there were two more similarly filled. More than twenty of us made the trek to be together, to share meals, laughter, inside moments, music, dance, the morning light and quiet, the bright sharp sun that kept the chill just at bay.

Each meal done by different people from the moms to their children to the constant baby talk from the 4 month old to the oldest (my mom), we covered it all, and my selfish heart wanted more of this, it wasn’t enough, there were some I wished who were there, the one I always want around from PApa to baby maasi to my sisters and their kids, yet the people there made it such a perfect trip that I knew it was just my own greed, to share with my loved ones since my brother in law and sister in law had created such a perfect birthday event which included so many when they could have simply kept it to themselves.

It is times like these that makes me appreciate them even more, at their efforts to make our bonds stronger, to ensure that their children experience as much love as they have from so many rather than a few. It can be easy to keep it small, but their determination to expand their world, and ours filled me with so much gratitude, and mental pictures that I can savor on my time. I can’t wait for the next trip, to perhaps copy their efforts and make my world experience just a bit bigger with others, or just maybe, I will get more time with the ones in Big Bear, and that just makes my world a bit better anyway.

Thank you Sabina and Rick. Your efforts are truly appreciated.

Today is the last day of a whirlwind of a month and I cannot help just going over all the moments that happened. Last friday, I was speaking to my best friend where I told him I had three hearings, and two more this week for motions and then I was working on discovery for a client and also entertaining a potential client, and he casually remarked to me “you are a normal lawyer now.” The words brought me to a standstill as it hit me that he was right, and the urge to tell Papa grew so strong I felt like I couldn’t breathe.

That didn’t include a month where I managed a boys trip, an wonderous birthday party thanks to my wife, and ended the month celebrating other friends. The month felt like a dream, and its just the first month of 2022. I look forward to what the year offers, but I also plan to temper myself, to not just get caught up in tasks, or habits but to ensure a quality of life I am proud of.

The road to recovery looms ahead. I can barely move my shoulder, and two weeks of unhealthy eating are starting to catch up and I have a decision to make. What kind of Sanjay do I want to be? One who gives in, or one who finds a work around. So what I can’t crossfit, I still have legs, and there are other ways to be healthy and fit. But I also know that I cannot get so focused on these types of goals that I lose sight for the reason I want to be fit. To be here longer to continue on this path I am on with loved ones, to continue to experience all that this world offers so I get to take a moment.

Breathe it in Breathe out. And get ready for february.

One of the amazing ways my wife shows me her love is the the lengths she will go to ensure the smallest details are taken care of alongside with everything major. I am still buzzed from the weekend as my wife yet again managed to put me at a loss of words by not just throwing me an out of this world birthday but sneaking in not one by two surprises. Not only did she manage to fly my favorite dj from New York, Jay Dabhi, she coordinated one of my best friends Rockwell to surprise me as well.

As I walked around, I couldn’t help being grateful for how many people came from New York and other states just for this celebration. Of course my sister was the master of ceremonies, and for once, was kind enough to do a mild but heartfelt roast, and I couldn’t stop smiling the entire night. Between the trip with my friends to being surrounded by everyone dear to me, I saw my legacy and it felt good.

It took me 50 years to see my life as what I want it to be. Amazing family, dear friends, a doting wife, and to know that I have just begun the second half of my life, and I don’t plan on slowing down anytime soon. There was a tinge of sadness for the ones who werent there, but I felt their blessings all the same. I know that resting on my laurels is not my style. So the plan is to take on new challenges.

My current one is getting back to square one as I heal from my shoulder, learning new ways to keep fit, and to focus on returning the favors others have done for me to make me feel like the best person in the world. I am here fifty, and you better believe I am gonna make you work hard!

It seems surreal to think that just 48 hours ago, I was near perfect weather, sandy beaches and with some great friends, celebrating the start of the my 50th Birthday. We did the usual: Ziplining, drinking, private chef, amazing house, making fun of each other, all organized by a dear friend who spent multiple hours getting it set even after our original group of 8 people went down to 4. To the point where we considered cancelling then said oh what the hell lets do it anyway, and I have no regrets. Well almost no regrets. Although I deeply wished the entire group had gone,. I also wished I had left my ego at home.

On the last day, we decided to go ATV riding and even though I had never gone, never driven a motorcycle, had no idea of the dangers when inexperienced, I decided to go. Thankfully, my friend rode behind me who got increasingly concerned as the ride up the mountain continued. He coached me to slow down, and instead of me admitting that I wasn’t cut out for this I nodded and then kept going and after a few minutes managed to hit an embankment that flipped the ATV over onto me, dislocating my shoulder.

The agony of being driven down the mountain felt like hours when it was probably closer to 30 minutes and then heading to a clinic to get it popped it back in was intensely even more painful and something I would not recommend. Even in that moment, I knew that I was out from Crossfit and physical exercise for a while, and it hit me that my choices brought me here. I had no one to blame.

And so I hobble around with some great memories and not so great ones, but I also know that this is the beginning of a helluva year, and I’ll be damned if I am gonna let a minor silly thing like this derail me as a person. I got a trip I never forget, and I also get the chance to focus on recovery and healing and get back to where I was. This was a minor slip not a great fall. It all comes down to my attitude and actions.

Looking forward to what else 2022 has to bring!

The other day, someone asked me if I was a Anti-vaxxer because of a video I forwarded to them. I was flabbergasted. Aside from being full vaccinated, it felt that no longer can there be any questioning to the current narrative. It made me want to explain that I work out 5 days a week, reduced alcohol consumptions, increased supplementation, focused on being outdoors, but it felt once the word grenade was launched, there was nothing I could say to change their position. Even wondering how this all started is no longer something to be considered. But I am tired of the fear,tired of seeing so many struggle to cope, to not be with others, or see new places or scenarios. Tired of listening to others judgments for why people aren’t vaccinated or questioning the mandates. The increasing amounts of boosters, and one can no longer wonder, is there something more I can do than just take shots or is that the end game?

At what point do we learn to make it work in our daily lives, or to have a discussion that makes us curious about the side? When did it become okay to silence the questions or those who do not believe the narrative that this is the only way? I am VERY aware of what camp this puts me in even though I am complying. My frustration comes from something person as a recent friends trip got caused half the group to drop off out of concerns. I don’t blame them, but it drives home the question can we do anything different or just hide, be inside, avoid others even when the symptoms appear to be mild.

When do we become open to having conversations rather than debates or allowing each other the kindness to think and feel differently? To give the courtesy of listening and being heard. I don’t pretend to be a scientist, but I also no longer get information from one source, person or narrative. It’s okay to question. I am not advocating denial or conspiracy, but a healthy skepticism. To come to terms with your own decisions based on your own thinking not what others want you to.