Sanjay Sabarwal – Page 93 – Sanjay Sabarwal's Blog

Nanowrimo, Movember, Turkey Trot and Random Thoughts

December 1, 2014 Sanjay Sabarwal

It’s been almost a month since I last blogged. In that time, I managed to write 50,000 words, enough to be considered a winner for Nanowrimo, grow a moustache for Movember and raise almost $600 and completed my first month at crossfit. I also managed to reach my fastest 10K ever (1 hour, 11 minutes and 11 seconds) where at the end I seriously felt like throwing up. For you non math majors. that’s an average of 11 minutes and 27 seconds, nowhere near Hussain Bolt, but for someone like me, a great milestone. Someone marvelled at all the things I am doing, and my first instinct was to tell them about my wife’s patience and secondly about Zen Habits, the Sea Change Program, but then it also hit me. It is my unwillingness to just be comfortable. I mean what’s the point if I am not growing, not learning, not doing something with my time, energy and money? Don’t get me wrong, I am also constantly failing, and as Leo says that’s part of habits. That’s part of life, the learning process. If we don’t fall down, how else can we learn to get back up.

Are there days I feel lazy? All the freaking time.

Do I give up? More often than I care to admit.

Do I struggle at working out? I have to finish a crossfit class where I actually got through the Workout of the Day.

So these past four days, I just slept in and rested and just did nothing. And as much as I felt recharged, I also felt anxious. I am not content. The next step is getting that first novel draft edited, do some charitable work that allows me to use my talents (if I have any) to help others, and get my weight down to the ideal of 210 pounds. Also, all along to spend time with my wife that is meaningful and lets her know that she means the world to me. I know my ambition and lack of communication are a lethal combination sometimes in how I inform my wife of my goals. I am sure its frustrating for those close to me to not know what’s going on in my head, but trust me it’s all geared towards me being the best me I can be.

Hang on tight, its gonna be a wild ride.

Food For Thought, Myself, Writing

Nanowrimo, Movember and Life

November 6, 2014 Sanjay Sabarwal

So I am now at 10,000 words, more than I have written in decades. I am also clean-shaven for Movember after a decade. It’s funny to me when I speak to other writers lately about the reasons why they cannot do Nanowrimo. From “I have to outline to no time”, I have heard it all. But recently a theme has come up. What if it’s no good? What if it’s a waste of time. That’s the really big worry . It comes down what if I spend hours upon hours for 30 days and have nothing to show for it. Just 50,000 words of crap. My answer is simple. You won’t. If Nothing else you will write something unique, different. Just let go. I am in the middle of a Novel, something I thought impossible a few years ago. I am 35 pages in, and I admit I am dying to edit, to delete, backspace some of the shit that spews out of me. I dawdle on Facebook and Twitter in the early morning, but I am writing. I am inching forward. 630am every morning so far, I am giving myself the permission to be a writer. 9am I call it quits, and then my day starts.

I hope to start Crossfit soon so I can begin prepping for Spartan, and I am nervous. Isn’t it a bit much to add that to my life. Also, trying to do Zen Habits where this months habit is to spend mindful time with loved ones. Give them at least 10 minutes without interruption. And then there are some who have suffered horrific losses. One death. One fighting Cancer. It’s a strange and unpredictable world that teaches us that if not now, then when? Seize the day before it seizes you.

Brownness

Being Present

October 20, 2014 Sanjay Sabarwal

And so a new week begins. A chance to start over, or continuing doing the same. There is so much to do, or if I am being totally honest, just choices. I can choose to do them all or none. It’s a daily struggle as so much to be seen as tasks. It’s tempting to see so many things as have-to’s when in reality there are just I want-to-do’s. The Sea Change Programs reminds me to be mindful. Be present. Be here. Not lost in thought or planning ahead or looking behind. Month 2 of Facebook fasting has begun, but there have been some slips here and there. Because I have not deactivated my account, I still receive notifications, and the urge to check is immense. But as Leo Bautista taught, I stay with the urge, I let it build up and then I let it go. It feels facetious to tell people that I am not on Facebook because it’s something I am doing for myself. Just like I signed up for Nanowrimo, but the part in me that needs acknowledgement is always hungry. Always needs to be fed. If it’s not shared, then it doesn’t exist.

I am still surprised that I influence others because most of the time what I am doing seems so solitary, so alone as if I am just here with my thoughts. Writing and working out and really anything that involves just you is an individual task, but that doesn’t mean it has to be done alone. I see the contradiction as I write it, but then it hits me. There is no reason to go at it alone. It may seem like that you are doing it all by yourself, but others are there. You just have to be mindful enough to know that. Be present. Be here. One thing at a time. One choice at a time.

Brownness

Dreaming Awake

October 13, 2014 Sanjay Sabarwal

So begins another week. Another Monday. I struggled waking up this morning. No alarm, but the phone showed 7:27 am when I looked at it. I closed my eyes for a few delicious seconds, and almost drifted off, but then the thought broke through that the mornings were the only time I had to write. If I want to write a novel in 30 days for Nanowrimo, I better get used to a routine of sorts. So I sit in the library, the windows open, the daylight pouring over the laptop, the smell of the hot coffee swimming near my senses, awakening me. I feel like a writer. I have all the tools. Except for one small one. The words. Those pesky letter that i can litter on a blank piece of paper so I can actually stop feeling like a fraud. That can make this more than a dream. A writer.

So I sit there, noticing everything yet avoiding looking at the blank screen of me. The cursor blinks patiently. It disappears and then appears. Waiting. I yawn, scratch myself, take a sip of the coffee, and promptly go on Twitter or play Words with Friends. Minutes pas. The timer counts down. Suddenly, a thought. I lean over the laptop, pausing uncertainly but then the first words appears. The clicks of the keyboard motivate to keep going. They may not be Rembrandt or Hemingway, but it’s a start. I am awake. The dream is in front of me.

Myself

Facebook Fasting and Writing

October 3, 2014 Sanjay Sabarwal

So I began a Facebook fast, and I can’t help noticing the irony that this post will post to my Facebook timeline. It’s as if I need the constant validation that someone is reading my story. That YOU know that I am NOT on Facebook. I have become addicted to telling everyone how much and how far I have run to bragging about my Spartan run. Like those goals wont matter much if the 500 plus people on my social media don’t know about it. It’s such a relief not to check constantly to see what I missed in the past few minutes, but on the other hand, I have played the crap out of Words with Friends. Tried tweeting, but really it feels like a bunch of status updates that no one responds to (really 500 followers and not one of you has anything to say to me?)

Yet really what it really comes down to (and yes here comes the excuse), is that I am a writer. And writers write to be read. Which led me to realize that I had completely stopped reading. It was as if I had decided that I no longer needed to grow up. Yet it was reading and write that caused me to analyze who I am as a person and who I wish to be. As much as I talk, I really don’t say much to the ones near me. I spend a lot of time in my head, and for those closest to me (cough, cough my wife), it can be highly aggravating.

I don’t know when I became so social and introverted as the same time. It’s as if I am saying nothing, just taking up space so you know I am here. I shared too much of the things that don’t matter, and not enough of the things that can make relationships stronger. It’s as if I am talking on mute, and there are no sub-titles.

Hello? Anyone there?

Books, Food For Thought, Journal, Myself

The Old School Life

September 22, 2014 Sanjay Sabarwal

Another Monday, the memory of the Jassi Sidhu party and the Spartan run already fading away as well as my cold and the aches and pains that came with it. It’s funny when you are in the thick of things, it all seems to important, so urgent, but when it’s done, it’s just another task. I am proud of myself for once not getting myself overly anxious about the party or the run. Perhaps it comes with experience or my daily meditation. But really it comes from the realization all this will pass. That nothing is ever really an emergency. There is absolutely no reason to ponder things that you cannot control. It can be tough not to wonder, I admit. Yet, more than that it just is accepting that what’s happens is gonna happen no matter how much you stress about it.

I rediscovered reading again. In the past 2 weeks, I have managed to read 3 books already (Think Like A Freak. The Son by Jo Nesbo, The Book Thief), and now starting The Sleep Doctor by Stephen King. I forgot how much I love reading a few pages, and then putting the book down and truly just enjoying the satisfactions one gets from the imagery presented the authors. It is probably one of the few times that I know I am truly enjoying myself. I am already looking forward to getting a new stack of books. Although I have a Kindle and the first generation Ipad, nothing is quite like holding a book in your hand or putting that CD in.

Yep, I am officially old school. I still buy CDS. I am still buy hard cover books. I still make my own playlists, and download (mostly) legally. I still promote events to people I actually know rather than just bombarding it on social media. It’s funny but what once was cutting edge is now just quaint. A very big eye opener.