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Author: Sanjay Sabarwal
My Personal Blog. I am an attorney practicing in Civil Litigitation, Employment Law and Family Law
Making Spouses Pay, Custody Issues: Legal Reasons #32
One of the toughest things during a divorce is determining visitation, support and decision-making rights over a child’s life. I see, too often, over eager parents determined to punish their former spouse by depriving them of the right to see their children or that the spouse should pay 100% for all costs in regards to their children. It is truly painful to see my clients experience that. Also, there is always the issue of how much support a former spouse is entitled too especially when the duties are not equal. These are not easy issues to define, but more often than not, it is moments like this, it is best to mediate between the parties rather than act as a weapon to gouge the other side.
Luckily, the courts provide plenty of guidance on this, yet parties still remain either wilfully ignorant of these guidelines or just focused on the emotional aspects of the dissolution. I often recommend clients to look at it from the other side no matter how difficult because at the end of the day, unless there is abuse involved, there is no reason to punish parents through their children. While there are reams on legal guides on this issues, often, it comes down to just allowing yourself to get a representative who can help you be a bit more objective.
The week in Review
Yesterday, I shared with my accountability buddy how I did for the week for my goals and habits. Initially, I felt like a failure because I only got to 80% of the things and missed a few days for daily habits until it hit me that perfection was never the goal. The goal was to do something about the things that bother me. It is very easy to get caught up in failure and beat oneself up, but really the entire point was that I tried, not every day, but it was still 1000 times better than not doing anything at all.
It is not an easy transformation to make from being content to say there is nothing I can do about my goals, habits and results to still giving it a shot. Fear rules that state of mind, but a good fear where I become more comfortable being uncomfortable. It is easy to criticize and point out what I am not going and to see that in others, but much harder to put things into practice. Too often, I look at what I missed rather than what I accomplished. It is a habit I intent to change because while being critical is good, it does me no good to make into a self-worth issue. That said, I am extremely proud of my progress. Just for some perspective, here are my January goals which touch upon New Year resolutions, but are geared towards creating habits. What are yours?
1)Drink 64 oz to gallon of Water Daily
2)Meditate Daily
3)Write Morning Pages Daily
4)Write 300 words daily
5)Date Night Weekly
6)Connect with 2 people Weekly
7)Work on Improving Memory
8)Work on Improving Handwriting
9)Work out 5 days a week
10) One Hike and/or physical outing
11) Drink no more than 2 drinks on weekdays
12) Try a new activity/place this month
13) 2 Legal Blog Posts
14) Begin Learning on how to do a podcast
15) Begin learning on how to get more readers for blog
16) One Boys Night
17) One Friends Night at least (ideal 2)
18) Hug and Kiss Daily
19) Take one Weekday off a month,
20) Lose 5 pounds
What To Keep in Mind for 2017: Legal Reasons #31
With the new year, come resolutions. What if this year, you take responsibility by getting the best help for your needs? The reality is, that more often than not, most people take what is offered them by insurance companies when involved in a personal injury case. One of the lessons I tell potential clients is that an accident when you are not the one at fault and the other party has insurance, there is additional compensation available to them which an experienced attorney would know to ask for.
Insurance companies depend on the idea that most people do not get representation, and thus do not have the knowledge or tools to be made whole. Usually, the party takes the first offer given which does not include pain and suffering, lost of wages, or physical therapy costs. They end up signing away all their rights with a minimal offer, not realizing that they are leaving money on the table.
This is also not to say that one will become rich from a claim, but a fair offer can also get one what they are actually entitled to not what the insurance company decides.
So make 2017 the year where you have the best person on your side!
First Monday of 2017 (and Resolutions)
I sit in the morning quiet full of gratitude, the coffee still steaming, snow surrounding me while I enjoy the last few hours in Big Bear. Having spent 3 amazing days with family and friends, we got to know each other better and shared our thoughts about life and our future. There was laughter, crying, and a deep gratitude for what life has in store for us.
It is easy to wallow in grief, self-hatred and victim mentality, but the real challenge just like in the movie Rocky how often you rise back up. More often that not, the winner is one who stands one last time over their competitor. So I allow the view to remind me that there is life after death. There are others who need me, and that getting caught up in my thoughts and emotions instead of actions serves no one especially me.
So I breath in the new year, and breath out the what if’s. I live in 2017 as present, calm and loving as possible. Also scared. This is the year, I get so comfortable with fear that it becomes my new best friend. In that spirit, I commit to the following for 2017 (not including a private resolution I set up with my wife).
- Get my book ready and have it be accepted for publication.
- Run a marathon
- Volunteer at least 100 hours this year
- Do 5 Pull Ups
- Increase my legal revenue by a factor of 10
- Connect with loved ones regularly
- Visit 2 new countries this year
- Hike quarterly
- Improve my memory
- Learn conversational Spanish
- Improve handwriting
- Begin a Podcast
- Increase Blog subscribers
- Be the best self of myself in all aspects of my life
- The Secret resolution with my wife.
What are yours for 2017?
First Christmas
I don’t say his name, but each morning, his is the first name that pops up while I express gratitude for my life. The morning quiet was his time, and now it has become mine. Each day could become a struggle if not for the strong network of people in my life. Also my willingness to share, but I gotta tell you, it is still hard not to feel like a fraud when all I feel is a deep regret and sadness that I did not get to say goodbye.
He had a great life. He was loved, and he loved fearlessly. I know that intellectually and even emotionally, but I cannot help wanting that last moment, one last time to tell him how I truly felt.
The holidays are a great reminder about what you have, but they also underscore what you don’t have. It’s a strange time as there are no words to express what’s going inside me at such a beautiful time of the year. My only concern is not to ruin it for the ones who celebrate, to not have my heart and soul get in the way of their happiness.
And so I ground myself by taking a deep breath, becoming present, and knowing the first Christmas is the hardest, but it will get easier. I will hurt less. I will speak more about it, and that’s okay. This too shall pass.
For now: One day at a time.