The morning time. A time to reflect, regret, recover, remember and revise the harsh words I threw at someone. It started off with good intentions except I forgot one thing: to communicate. As a lawyer and a writer, I can sometimes be exceptionally bad at asking for what I need or want. Instead, I find passive aggressive ways that do not serve me and make things infinitely worse. And then I layer that on with some more silence, outside and inside even though the hurt bubbles inside me like molten lava, the need to say sorry and be heard so loud that I can say or hear nothing else.
But the words have been thrown, the damage done, and words alone aren’t going to get me out of this. Actions will, but that takes time, and I am impatient, wanting forgiveness immediately like inserting the correct code into the ATM and getting money (i.e satisfaction) right NOW. But hurt takes time to leave the body, but it will also stay longer if my actions continue to be the same way.
so morning time, a time to reflect, regret, recover, remember and revise. A time to think things through, learn to use my words correctly but at the right time. Which is not NOw. So I get to wait in silence, and I get to experience the persons hurt due to my words, which is an appropriate lesson or punishment. And then I hope I learn and not do it again. There’s always hope to learn, leverage, love and loosen the true feelings inside me.
