Some Not So Great Resumes
1. "I demand a salary commiserate with
my extensive experience." 2. "I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor
and spreadsheet progroms." 3. "Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year." 4. "Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave." 5. "Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial
institutions." 6. "Failed bar exam with relatively high grades." 7. "It’s best for employers that I not work with
people." 8. "Let’s meet, so you can ‘ooh’ and ‘aah’ over
my experience." 9. "You will want me to be Head Honcho in
no time." 10. "Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever
forget details." 11. "I was working for my mom until she
decided to move." 12. "Marital status: single. Unmarried.
Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments." 13. "I have an excellent track record,
although I am not a horse." 14. "I am loyal to my employer at all
costs…Please feel free to respond to my
resume on my office voice mail." 15. "I have become completely paranoid,
trusting completely no one and absolutely
nothing." 16. "My goal is to be a meteorologist. But
since I possess no training in meterology,
I suppose I should try stock brokerage." 17. "I procrastinate, especially when the
task is unpleasant." 18. "As indicted, I have over five years of
analyzing investments." 19. "Personal interests: donating blood.
Fourteen gallons so far." 20. "Instrumental in ruining entire operation
for a Midwest chain store." 21. "Note: Please don’t miscontrue my
14 jobs as ‘job-hopping’. I have never quit
a job." 22. "Marital status: often. Children: various." 23. "Reason for leaving last job: They insisted
that all employees get to work by 8:45 a.m. every
morning. Could not work under those conditions." 24. "The company made me a scapegoat, just
like my three previous employers." 25. "Finished eighth in my class of ten." 26. "References: None. I’ve left a path of
destruction behind me."
my extensive experience." 2. "I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor
and spreadsheet progroms." 3. "Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year." 4. "Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave." 5. "Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial
institutions." 6. "Failed bar exam with relatively high grades." 7. "It’s best for employers that I not work with
people." 8. "Let’s meet, so you can ‘ooh’ and ‘aah’ over
my experience." 9. "You will want me to be Head Honcho in
no time." 10. "Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever
forget details." 11. "I was working for my mom until she
decided to move." 12. "Marital status: single. Unmarried.
Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments." 13. "I have an excellent track record,
although I am not a horse." 14. "I am loyal to my employer at all
costs…Please feel free to respond to my
resume on my office voice mail." 15. "I have become completely paranoid,
trusting completely no one and absolutely
nothing." 16. "My goal is to be a meteorologist. But
since I possess no training in meterology,
I suppose I should try stock brokerage." 17. "I procrastinate, especially when the
task is unpleasant." 18. "As indicted, I have over five years of
analyzing investments." 19. "Personal interests: donating blood.
Fourteen gallons so far." 20. "Instrumental in ruining entire operation
for a Midwest chain store." 21. "Note: Please don’t miscontrue my
14 jobs as ‘job-hopping’. I have never quit
a job." 22. "Marital status: often. Children: various." 23. "Reason for leaving last job: They insisted
that all employees get to work by 8:45 a.m. every
morning. Could not work under those conditions." 24. "The company made me a scapegoat, just
like my three previous employers." 25. "Finished eighth in my class of ten." 26. "References: None. I’ve left a path of
destruction behind me."
