Month: October 2023

And then we were done. First Halloween with Zyan in the books, and our hearts couldn’t be fuller. As much as he hates putting on clothes (maybe he’s a former nudist), Zyan took on two costume changes like a champ. At first, we were the pirate family and of course, he was the star for the night, and then dear friends gave us another surprise costume that stole my heart as he became a boxer. As a huge Rocky Fan, and having the same lip as Stallone, the costumer immediately had an impact on him, but seeing Zyan huge toothy grin just made me utterly, simply, stupendously, delirously fall in my love wth my son.

Each moment with him has become one of practicing gratitude in as his mere presence just brings us so much joy. Neither of us can stop smiling. He is the reason to be the best version of ourselves. Each morning I watch him play, and it feels as if my heart gets bigger with time. Promises, visions, experiences pop up in my head as I am determined for him to experience as much as possible. I grew up lucky in many ways, but immigrating to a new country as a 12 year posed some unexpected challenges like never learning a team sport that would build a foundation of grit, confidence, and the easy feeling of having people who share similar experiences.

The past weekend became again a time of cousins spending time together, making me wish impatiently to see how their relationship will bloom into a true friendship like mine and my wife’s did with our extended family. Celebrating my brother in law’s birthday, and seeing all of us getting into the spirit of dressing up added yet another level of joy I didn’t expect.

And so I enter today with a heart, mind full, ready to take on what the legal challenges of my work!

Yesterday while walking Zyan alongside Artesia Blvd, I entered into a dream like state as I allowed all the thoughts in my head to crash inside skull like waves, each thought there for a moment, and then receding while another took over. It hit me that there were so many missed opportunities in my work that needed my attention. I declared a lot of things in order to create a solid financial future for my family, yet there was so much low hanging fruit that had not been touched.

With each step came more things to take care of, but not in a worrisome way, as if with the walk came a clarity for how to make it happen. My weighted vest felt light, and as Zyan bobbed his head to the music playing near him, in my head, a list began to form. Declarations are well and good, but without focus and action, they remain unreachable visions in my head. The key is not to make so many declarations that they become overwhelming and disheartening, but they also need to be just beyond my reach to force me to grow and learn.

The walk energized me further. The sky overhead, the buildings nearby, the distant muffled conversations all merged into a singular path forward. Too often, I don’t allow myself the luxury of just letting the mind loose. I get caught up in fear rather than flow even though the latter is what serves me best. Yesterday’s walk became a great reminder of that.

Happy Monday!

And Zyan marches ever so closer to an already year for us with him. Each day a joy because we see him smile, his silly laughter, the way he explores, examines, loves, kisses. and stands. Each thing he does a miracle even though to others it’s probably just normal. Impossible to believe how much joy he brings to the ones in his life. Each time a new family member or friend sees him, a light comes on their faces. And I cannot help just keep repeating Shukar. Shukar. Shukar.

I keep hearing that the times flies fast, and I now know what they mean. We are taking it in, letting him sleep on our chests, snuggling us, not realizing how he has already become a part of us, something that will remain forever. Each holiday already now a bit brighter because he is in them. And I just can feel my heart expand, and I look at her, and we share those moments together because finally, finally we are Papa and Mama.

Nothing can change that designation even though we have been blessed to also be uncle and aunt, mama, and bhua, and even phuparji, all those relationships prepared us for our 11 month old. As I type this, his laughter gurgles around the room. making these words fly out of me because I cannot wait to envelop him, and thank Waheguru for allowing this joy named Zyan.

This will be our third move within 4 years, but the first in a while that will lay the foundation of a home for Zyan. After renting for almost 4 years, we are now official residents of Orange County. And of course, just like the previous moves, Moving day took me by surprise by my lack of planning and seeking support. Even though my wife repeatedly told me to be ready, my hubris, not being present, and allowing other tasks get the better of me led to 3 people moving all the items while my poor wife spend weeks putting everything in boxes.

Call it resistance, denial or avoidance, but reality not speaking about it, not asking for support, not admittig that I am way over my head keeps coming back to bite me in the ass. Even on they day of the move, only when brother in law suggested getting some movers and Uhaul truck did it hit me that I was making the move way more difficult than it needed to be. I still didnt do as he suggested and so I spent the entire day moving iteams that in hindsight could have been done in a few hours with a few more hands.

So an opportunity to learn and grow, but at the expense of frustrating others and making then feel unheard is not a good look. Too often, I get stuck in my head with my own todo tasks, instead of taking the time to see what others may need at the moment. I considered myself a great supporter, but lately I have been the one that needs the support except I didn’t know it. I get to do better.

Step 1 will be to involved in setting up our new home, Zyan’s first house 🙂 Happy Monday

This past weekend, my wife, and I along with Zyan got to spend an entire weekend with my wife’s cousins from out of town. What followed were hours of laughter, sharing of stories, moments, laying a deeper foundation for our children to experience our larger family, and creating new opportunities to visit each other and further deepen these bonds. The time went quickly as it always does when its with people you want to be around, and it warmed my heart to see the kids take to their aunts as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

Its times like these that become the memories we relish and discuss over and over again, cementing them into to this beautiful web called family. It also ends being a weekend that ends far too soon, and there is a pang of regret that it took so long for this to happen. As I get older, and I am around Zyan, I want him to have the same endearing relationships I have with my own cousins, after all, they end up being our first close friends, then ones we share intimate thoughts with as we figure out our lives.

I still cherish the summers I got with my cousins when the whole house filled up, and where we all wanted to sleep in the same room, the mattresses and bed sheets spread throughout the living room as we stayed up late being silly, and just enjoying each others company. This weekend, I had the adult version of that, and its still as much as fun as I remember the times as a child.

I guess when you really want to be around the ones you care about, not much can stand in the way of that. Happy Monday!