The carpenter I hired to help me restore an old farmhouse had just finished a rough first day on the job. A flat tire made him lose an hour of work, his electric saw quit, and now his ancient pickup truck refused to start. While I drove him home, he sat in stony silence.
On arriving, he invited me in to meet his family. As we walked toward the front door, he paused briefly at a small tree, touching the tips of the branches with both hands. When opening the door he underwent an amazing transformation. His tanned face was wreathed in smiles and he hugged his two small children and gave his wife a kiss.
Afterward he walked me to the car. We passed the tree and my curiosity got the better of me. I asked him about what I had seen him do earlier.
"Oh, that's my trouble tree," he replied." I know I can't help having troubles on the job, but one thing's for sure, troubles don't belong in the house with my wife and the children. So I just hang them on the tree every night when I come home. Then in the morning I pick them up again."
He paused. "Funny thing is," he smiled, "when I come out in the morning to pick 'em up, there ain't nearly as many as I remember hanging up the night before."
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Many years ago three soldiers, hungry and weary of battle, came upon a small village. The villagers, suffering a meager harvest and the many years of war, quickly hid what little they had to eat and met the three at the village square, wringing their hands and bemoaning the lack of anything to eat.
The soldiers spoke quietly among themselves and the first soldier then turned to the village elders. "Your tired fields have left you nothing to share, so we will share what little we have: the secret of how to make soup from stones."
Naturally the villagers were intrigued and soon a fire was put to the town's greatest kettle as the soldiers dropped in three smooth stones. "Now this will be a fine soup", said the second soldier; "but a pinch of salt and some parsley would make it wonderful!" Up jumped a villager, crying "What luck! I've just remembered where some's been left!" And off she ran, returning with an apronful of parsley and a turnip. As the kettle boiled on, the memory of the village improved: soon barley, carrots, beef and cream had found their way into the great pot, and a cask of wine was rolled into the square as all sat down to feast.
They ate and danced and sang well into the night, refreshed by the feast and their new-found friends. In the morning the three soldiers awoke to find the entire village standing before them. At their feet lay a satchel of the village's best breads and cheese. "You have given us the greatest of gifts: the secret of how to make soup from stones", said an elder, "and we shall never forget." The third soldier turned to the crowd, and said: "There is no secret, but this is certain: it is only by sharing that we may make a feast". And off the soldiers wandered, down the road.
"The miracle is this – the more we share, the more we have." – Leonard Nimoy
I grew up in the '50s with very practical parents. A mother, God love her,who washed aluminum foil after she cooked in it, then reused it. She was the original recycle queen, before they had a name for it.
My father was happier getting old shoes fixed than buying new ones. Their marriage was good, their dreams focused. Their best friends lived barely a wave away. I can see them now, Dad in trousers, tee shirt and a hat and Mom in a house dress, lawn mower in one hand, dishtowel in the other.
It was the time for fixing things. A curtain rod, the kitchen radio, screen door, the oven door, the hem in a dress. Things we keep. It was a way of life, and sometimes it made me crazy. All that re-fixing, eating, renewing, I wanted just once to be wasteful. Waste meant affluence. Throwing things away meant you knew there'd always be more.
But then my mother died, and on that clear summer's night, in the warmth of the hospital room, I was struck with the pain of learning that sometimes there isn't any more. Sometimes, what we care about most gets all used up and goes away…never to return. So, while we have it… it's best we love it… and care for it… and fix it when it's broken… and heal it when it's sick.
This is true for marriage… and old cars… and children with bad report cards… and dogs with bad hips… and aging parents… and grandparents. We keep them because they are worth it, because we are worth it.
A woman came out of her house and saw three old men with long white beards sitting in her front yard. She did not recognize them. She said, "I don't think I know you, but you must be hungry. Please come in and have something to eat."
"Is the man of the house home?" they asked. "No", she said. "He's out."
"Then we cannot come in", they replied.
In the evening when her husband came home, she told him what had happened. "Go tell them I am home and invite them in," he said.
The woman went out and invited the men in. "We do not go into a house together," they replied. "Why is that?" she wanted to know. One of the old men explained: "His name is Wealth," he said pointing to one of his friends, and said pointing to another one, "He is Success, and I am Love." Then he added, "Now go in and discuss with your husband which one of us you want in your home."
The woman went in and told her husband what was said. Her husband was overjoyed. "How nice!" he said. "Since that is the case, let us invite Wealth. Let him come and fill our home with wealth!"
His wife disagreed. "My dear, why don't we invite Success?" Their daughter-in-law was listening from the other corner of the house. She jumped in with her own suggestion: "Would it not be better to invite Love? Our home will then be filled with love!"
"Let us heed our daughter-in-law's advice," said the husband to his wife. "Go out and invite Love to be our guest."
The woman went out and asked the three old men, "Which one of you is Love? Please come in and be our guest." Love got up and started walking toward the house. The other two also got up and followed him.
Surprised, the lady asked Wealth and Success: "I only invited Love, why are you coming in?" The old men replied together: "If you had invited Wealth or Success, the other two of us would've stayed out, but since you invited Love, wherever He goes, we go with him. Wherever there is Love, there is also Wealth and Success!"
You can’t make choices for other people. Don’t let other people make choices for you.
There are an unlimited number of ‘Dr. No’ folks that you will encounter in this life. If you have a personal inspiration, idea or goal, don’t let a ‘Dr. No’ deter you! Trust your gut, do the planning and then DO IT!
Opportunities are often disguised as work, so most people don’t recognize them.
The Chinese character for the word ‘crisis’ literally means ‘danger and opportunity.’
Nothing is particularly hard if you divide it into small pieces. -Henry Ford – Same concept configured as a question: How do you eat an elephant? Answer: One bite at a time.
Learn from the past, but don’t dwell in the past. In other words, don’t abuse the precious ‘now’ by not being in it.
Worry is a misuse of the imagination.
Perfect is the enemy of good.
Education and knowledge are invaluable. But do we need to know everything? Is it possible in a specialized world to know everything? For instance, do you need to have a comprehensive understanding of dentistry to go to a dentist to have a cavity filled? In many instances, ‘not knowing’ is a wise approach – it’s like cleaning out a crowded closet to make space for something useful.
Big results come when you narrow your focus. Concentrate your efforts on smaller and smaller areas. When your efforts are diffused over a wide area they won’t have much of an impact. So focus on smaller areas and your efforts will be felt more fully. It could take time for change to happen, but keep that focus narrow.
You can’t do it all yourself. We live in a multi-specialized world. For example, in building a house, plumbers specialize, electricians specialize, heating and air conditioning technicians specialize, roofers specialize, masons specialize – get it? These guys are consultant contractors who have mastered that component. For any large project, find the right consultant or mentor.
Don’t try to impress everyone. Purposely impressing people is an act that brings nothing but a momentary ego boost. Be real with people instead. Connect with fewer people on a level that is deeper and more profound.
Short lecture on happiness and contentment: Check out what you do have and be satisfied with it for today. There is an infinite list of what you could want and don’t have. I like Shakespeare’s line in the play Hamlet, when the young prince tells us that “I could be bounded in a nutshell and count myself king of infinite space.” The trick is what one emphasizes. We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same. -Carlos Castaneda
Manage your time. Your situation and environment is ever changing, so be careful not to confuse things that are urgent with things that are important.
A healthy paradox of life that I find personally challenging: There is ENLIGHTENMENT to be gained from the ability to live in the moment, but if you don’t have a time management system, or an event control system, you are at a significant disadvantage in achieving goals.
Keep it simple. There is a world of magnificence hidden in simplicity. Pick the five most important things in your life now and focus on those things. Let the other stuff go. Stop the busyness and really enjoy what’s important to you.
Focus on goals, not obstacles.
There is a major gap between knowledge and taking ACTION. Mistakes and failures are necessary interim steps in the learning process. Stop talking about what you have done or what you are going to do. Just do it and let your actions speak for themselves.
Sometimes you just have to go for it. Put your uncertainty and fears aside for a second and ask yourself this: “If I try and I don’t get it right the first time, what will I have lost and what will I have gained?” The answer is: You will have lost nothing but a little bit of your time while gaining an important lesson that will help you get it right the second or third time. People rarely get it right the first time. In fact, usually the only people who ever get it right are those who continue going for it even when they’ve come up short numerous times before.
Fall down seven times, stand up eight. -Japanese proverb
Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life. –Confucius
In order to get, you have to give. Supporting, guiding and making contributions to other people is one of life’s greatest rewards. Everything you do comes back around.
Not much is worth fighting about. If you can avoid it, don’t fight. Step back from arguments with your spouse, family members or neighbors. When you feel anger surging up and you want to yell that vulgar remark on tip of your tongue, just close your mouth and walk away. Let yourself calm down. You don’t have to be right or win an argument. It just doesn’t matter.
Forgiveness is not saying, “What you did to me is okay.” It is saying, “I’m not going to let what you did to me ruin my happiness forever.” Forgiveness is always the answer… let go, find peace, liberate yourself!
If you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with.
People skills – I think the main one: ASKING THE RIGHT QUESTIONS AND LISTENING. Practice as if you were a television interviewer. Get other people to tell their stories. A powerful communication skill that I call SCAFFOLDING in business or informal interaction with other human beings on the phone or in person: Give the person your first name and get their first name in the first few moments of contact… which establishes rapport. Example: “Hi, my name is Marc; I didn’t get your name, who am I speaking with?” (Follow-up, depending on the situation, with “How are you doing today?”) Then after this rapport context, move on to dialogue like, “I wonder if you could help me with a simple issue I am having with ABC… or you do you have any recommendations for XYZ? Always in closing, let the person know that you “appreciate their assistance.”
You don’t need an MBA, but take some courses or read some books on finance, economics, financial planning, investments (real estate, stock market), and accounting. With these navigational skills, start to steer your ship through continually changing seas. Don’t buy stuff you don’t need. Don’t spend more than you make. Don’t let your money manage you.
It is your life, your body and mind. Without necessarily getting a Ph.D. in nutrition, increase minimal culinary skills, accumulate some basic nutritional knowledge, and start experimenting immediately with what works for you. Also concentrate on keeping your body active. Cardiovascular improvement – your heart loves you when you take it there, deep breathing space, building muscle, stretching space. Escape from confinement in automobiles and office desks and move around.
We all make mistakes, have struggles, and even regret things in our past. But you are not your mistakes, you are not your struggles, and you are here NOW with the power to shape your day and your future.
Smile! Let everyone know that today you are a lot stronger than you were yesterday… and you will be.
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