Month: February 2011

Cancer, Myself, Preeti

Almost There

Sanjay Sabarwal
by Jemal Yarbrough

The mural next to these words marks a strong contrast to the real world facing me outside: grey, dreary, drizzling enough so even the dog doesn’t want to go around and sniff aimlessly. Just paid all the bills and miraculously have exactly 11 cents to my name, well to our names to be precise, so I have plenty to frown about, but I am not.  In fact, seems nothing can get me down.

The heart is light, can’t stop smiling, and looking forward to the week ahead. It’s funny how certain things don’t matter as much when so much has happened.  Friends who you cared about deeply barely a bleep, strangers who you ignored now dear acquaintances, but you know over all, that you matter a lot to many out there, and that’s enough.   Each one in our lives contributed the way they could, or better yet the way they were meant to.  This was our battle, and they were just the small break shops that give you water and food so you have the strength to keep going.  Blaming those for not running with you was not only realistic but completely unfair.  True, the damage is done but I know my friends, they will bounce back since those who know me well know that I hold no ill will.  More like, it was a cry for help but I managed to push some away and for that I will always be sorry.  The choice to continue is really up to them because although I am sorry, I am not going to be a slave to regret for the rest of my life.

I finished my first short story in years, and while I am tempted to share it here, I know it still needs to be tightened up more.  Who knew in the whirling days of chemo and radiation, an idea would be born. On this dreary day, my heart shines, smiling at the thought of her being almost done.  Nothing else matters really.  All the old accusations, decisions, bad thoughts, put away to stand clear for the finish line.  Who knew that in a matter of weeks, we will put this saga behind us and while the results are not 100%, they are good enough for me. Can/t worry about what’s not there or has not happened.  Actually, that’s not true. It is 1005 over in a week, and what will come next, I cannot worry about.  For now, I have her to love fully, full-time, and always. Also  my dear friends and family who are always there.  We are almost there, thank you for coming along this bumpy ride.  Hope I didn’t scar you too much. 🙂

Related Articles
Brownness

Worlds Tallest Roses

Sanjay Sabarwal
Anything for my Babu 🙂

Sent from my iPhone

Brownness

Steve Jobs: How to live before you die | Video on TED.com

Sanjay Sabarwal

—— Forwarded Message
From: Sanjay Sabarwal <sanjay@zibabeauty.com>
Date: Mon, 14 Feb 2011 12:54:28 -0500
To: Sanjay Sabarwal <sanjay@zibabeauty.com>
Subject: Steve Jobs: How to live before you die | Video on TED.com

 

This TED Talk has been recommended to you by Sanjay@zibabeauty.com from TED.com.

Note from sender:

http://www.ted.com/talks/steve_jobs_how_to_live_before_you_die.html

To unsubscribe, click here <http://www.addthis.com/privacy/email-opt-out?e=LLZEoFmrVrh3u16jVqNSoEK1Tu9Urlo>

—— End of Forwarded Message

Cancer, Myself, Preeti

Run This Town

Sanjay Sabarwal
Rocky IV
Image via Wikipedia

 

by Jemal Yarbrough

 

Cue “Run This Town” by Jay Z from his Hits Collection Vol 1, put it on repeat, flash to another waiting room, another place where nurses don’t look at you or can’t remember her name, surrounded by some smiling, others crying, some just blank and others just there.  Time ticks.  The music goes on and the heart expands, and in those 4 minutes, you look around the dreary room and say “we gonna run this town tonight.”  Flash to the car, hitting 100 miles an hour, feeling like 200, and you keep the song on repeat, nothing else will do, this song, this Anthem, gotta break the rules, I don’t care, I am gonna run this town tonight.  I pledge the allegiance to her, this is almost over, a small bump, blip in the radar of life, we got this baby.  Almost there.

Time becomes meaningless, only the music remains, the thoughts only her, willing her to hear your heart, almost there babu,  the finish line is coming up.  All your love, all your work, everything you got, give it to him now (quoting Rocky 4, Duke’s speech to Rocky in the last round versus Drago), and then another line hits me (He’s cut, you see, he’s a man, he’s not a machine.  He’s hurting. No pain, no pain!) and suddenly Cancer is our Drago, you ain’t so bad. We are coming to the final around soon, and your are cut, and guess what: we run this town.  No pain. All our love, all our happiness, all our dreams, all our hopes, desires, just around the corner.  We have just begun, we didn’t pick the fight but we are going to end it with a knockout.  The only way to live baby because we run this town.

Related Articles
Brownness

Fasting Experiment: Day 6

Sanjay Sabarwal

Sent from my iPhone

Begin forwarded message:

From: “The Personal Excellence Blog” <donotreply@celestinechua.com>
Date: February 10, 2011 7:04:32 AM PST
To: “” <sanjay@zibabeauty.com>
Subject: Fasting Experiment: Day 6
Reply-To: “The Personal Excellence Blog” <donotreply@celestinechua.com>

Latest Post From
The Personal Excellence Blog 		The Personal Excellence Blog

Fasting Experiment: Day 6

Myself

Unsubscribing From Life

Sanjay Sabarwal
Yogi Tea logo
Image via Wikipedia

 

by Jemal Yarbrough

 

I have a confession to make.  I have had my Mac Book Pro for about 3 months and I still don’t know how to create folders or save documents in a particular folder.  So much for getting the latest technology.  So I got another thing added to my to do list: learn how to use laptop. Then I realized that I paid for One to One with Apple for $99, and maybe I ought to use it.  so I signed up for a workshop.

Today has been the realization that I have so much clutter in my life because I keep getting things in the wane hope of relieving some immediate pain.  No forethought, no wait and see, just buy/subscribe/enroll/buy some more.  It has become so bad that a quick look at my email inbox revealed it to be 90% spam, but the sad part is I had subscribed to all these newsletters so who’s the spam really, the email or me?

So slowly I began to unsubscribe and suddenly some of the pressure to read each email alleviated.  I started unsubscribing faster, not caring to hear the reasons of any newsletter, and at the end only 2 subscriptions remained that I kept because I actually read them.  One is Marc and Angel, (www.marcandangel.com) usually about creativity productivity or just really good ways to improve your life and The Personal Excellence Blog (http://celestinechua.com/blog/) which currently is about fasting (guys on day 5 of fasting). So here I sit with my Yogi Tea (gotta hit Whole Foods ones of these days), feeling like I accomplished something.  Then it hit me, that I need to go further, I need to reduce all the clutter in my life, so I deleted half the Apps on my phone which I don’t use (actually more than half), then I started making a list of my bills, and I noticed I was spending money repeatedly on dumb things.  So I made a note to unsubscribe from unneeded bills.

You ever wonder if you can just unsubscribe from certain parts of your life?  Well you can, you just have to realize how much they clutter up your life and just unsubscribe from the worry, the guilt, the constant feeling of failing, just unsubscribe.  Many of my friends have noticed a change in me, and some even wonder how a book could influence me so much (Taking The Leap by Pema Chodron), but it wasn’t the book, it was just the right time.  I had over-subscribed to all my emotions, and it hit me that I was completely cluttered up.  So I took 3 deep breaths (something I do whenever I remember throughout the day, part of my “mini” meditations), believed I needed this, had the faith, and took the leap to unsubscribe.

I have a long road ahead of me, and part of me still has the sneaking suspicion that this is too good to be true, but I know that’s the old me, jealous that I no longer need anger and hurt to define me.  I choose love and faith.

Related Articles